That poem. This day. #OctPoWriMo 2013 day 3

I was lost

in some corners of world

where dark secrets lay

and everything is forbidden

I was lost

trying to find a path

what belonged to others? 

and what was mine? 

I was lost

which direction to go

back or move forth

undecided I moved

But look what I found! 

words to express

words to cherish

words to befriend

And so I let my fear go

driving into the blended poems

Travelling what lies beyond eyes

Into the mist of dreams abound

That was my first poem I remember

written with heart

-The Path

A special dedication to Saumya di for its because of her I started writing. 

adhoori baatein...

suno, kuch baatein adhoori rehne do

mann bhara rehta hai

takalluf se sochne do

baarish ki boondo ko ginne do

harr boond mein samai tumhare yaado ko

sulagne do

kuch baatein adhoori rehne do

aayine mein khud ko tumhare liye

niharne do

bikhre mann ko aur bikharne do

dil hi dil mein muskuraane do

bechaini mein tadapne do

kuch baatein adhoori rehne do

shabdo ko piroh nahi rahi

aashao ko bataur nahi rahi

sambhalna nahi chahti

girne do.. fisalne do

kuch baatein adhoori rehne do

intzaar mein kiske

khidki par baithi hu kal se

kiske pasandeeda rang se 

khud ko sanwara hai

kyu kisi ke liye 

gam bhi cheeni sa chakh liya

taareekhein aakhir kiske liye gin rahi hu

ye sab chodo

kuch baatein adhoori rehne do

This is a special, very special dedication to PACH. Mainly cos we all keep waiting for the next session and the waiting is always worth. Yes, I have said it many times but I dont mind saying it again- PACH is the best gift I have ever received. 

Picture Courtesy- Hardik Photography

Too much PACH!?

Yesterday was a bad day. Bad as in.. really bad day. Bad like tiring, head-eating, weird, disheartening,  'I give up'- kind of day.
I revise my day at night. The pictures of day spent passes my head by. I like doing it. Its important to remember, to embrace, to cherish, to improvise... to endure.
Yesterday's picture .... sucked. Literally. Its just hard to sleep with a sad face. Its one things that advances the very next brimming morning. I switched my head. No, not off. I switched it to a happy place. To a place called PACH.
I cant summarize Pach as Poetry and Cheap Humor group. It'll be an insult to keep it framed in four terms when half of your present world's happiness is subsiding in it. Actually, more than half. Sometimes, its the only happiness if life right now existing in real world. Pach took so much from my being. A little hesitant in the beginning, but I saw Pach just asking me to let go. I finally did. It gave me back a thousand times fold than what I gave.
Of course, I grabbed it all.
Its the rainbow- right after a heavy storm.
Its a tree- spreads & grows.
Its the north star- always sticks in blue-black blanket on head; to guide.
Its the family- supports & respects.
Its the friend- just doesn't judge.
Its a child- knows no bounds.
Its a flower- blooms all seasons.
Its a coffee mug- it understands.
Its Sun- looks breathtaking both coming & going.

Pach has taught me epiphany, to utter sense; it just doesn't interpret- only acknowledges.

Last night, I slept with a smile on my face. Thanks Pach! 

It listens; calmly, patiently.
It gives wings to fly.
It stays; time immemorial, it just does.
Its sticks, it embraces, it gives Love.









My special thanks to Saumya di and Anup bhaiya, for giving me the best gift of life- till date.

Photo Credits- Hardik Photography

Melting Snow

The pain is over
The wait is done
The power to hold you
Is what I yearn
To look beyond the night
And hover above almighty sky
You make me forget the imperfect ones
As if you are the first & only
Your brown eyes & soothing soul
Will it be mine? I want to know
Oh! your warm skin and trembling hands
Makes my feet go cold & skin blush
My hopes, my desires are born again
Afresh, anew
Yes, you are the cause
Be mine, thats only I ask
I want to grow, I want to cry
I want to smile, I want to shy
I want to weep, I want to hide
I want to endure, I want to fly
The old skin will melt soon
I want to break the bonds
Take me to all heavens above
You made me realize- I love "Love"

The last words. Of parivartan. Of gratitude.

The remembrances of older days are recollecting in my head like a flash right from my first year to this very moment. "The most important question of life is what are you doing for others?"
Like dew drops each memory is clinging to the tree and will now fall one at a time. With every dream coming true- right from multiple camps to a heavy step like clean satya to a risky business like Sugraahi or haphazard event with slum kids 2 days back, each one has come out beautifully. A real successful year this 2012-2013 was.
I convey my thanks to my members, my family. "I must be cruel only to be kind". I thank everyone for tolerating my anger & showing your patience. 8 am morning meetings or leaving college at 8-9pm after work memories are the ones I am taking with me.
The farewell was beautiful, really beautiful for I could see glimpses of our work at the back of my head and in eyes of everyone with beautiful annual magazine in hands. I do not wish to thank by taking names as you all have made me proud. The team would have been incomplete with anyone missing.
Keep up the good work you guys! Keep going this way; for this way is the best of all. We all have seen this video- but I want everyone to view this when something upsets or bothers you, ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IReflkF4_tc&feature=youtu.be

For now, its time for me to say Goodbye. With tears of joy, of happiness, of pain, of love, of laughter of everything I wish you all good luck for years to come.

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land

Lets Bring Our House Sparrows back!

Why is it a trend? That what is in abundance shall fall down someday.
A few days back Delhi Chief Minister Mrs. Sheila Dikshit announced House Sparrow as "State Bird of Delhi". Launching "Rise For Sparrows"; India's largest conservation programme for these birds, would draw awareness and rise attention towards these beautiful birds, they say. Delhi, considered under one of the greenest cities in world, has surely a tremendous scope for urban conservation. We all know urban population has made it difficult for sparrows to fly in the open blue sky, the fertilizers in soil has affected their feeding on insects and worms and development of buildings has worsened their nesting. If humans need development, why not think of organisms who live with us too?
What has happened, has happened, we should now think what steps we can take for their betterment.
Common Bird Monitoring of India launched its website- Common Bird Monitoring of India
which serves awards, FAQ's, birds in your region, sponsors, bird of the month, latest new, photography competitions etc, all for spreading awareness for all kinds of birds. Lets be a part of this!
What more should we do?
*Go organic! Replace the pesticides in house plant pots and spare some un-affecting worms for sparrows.
*Provide clean water for birds, right outside our balconies.
*Keeping larger bird bath & a bowl of dust bath for birds will surely help. All birds needs them daily. Sparrows need them quite often a day.
*Growing hedges with edible berries will surely facilitate bring them back. Its their favorite meal.
*Putting nest boxes/handies at a safe height for breeding.
An amazing site by Nature Forever Society provides scientifically designed sparrow nest boxes made of recycled pine heart wood & special sparrow feeders on a no-profit-no-less basis- Nature Forever Society
With bird feeders at Rs. 89 and Sparrow nest boxes from Rs. 309 onwards is surely a do-able price for saving these species.  Eager to hear the bird chirping again? Join the cause and bring the sparrows back!

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer"- Albert Camus

Bliss that I find here

That blessing in life called Parivartan

Almost three years at college, coming to an end and it has already started pinching somewhere. Never have I really liked my chemistry department though, where I study. Its something beyond my department and friends that I will miss. 

The amazing work we kept doing

Almost three years at Parivartan, coming to an end and surely it is pinching me. Parivartan- Social Service Society of my college, I have been associated with since my first year, an amateur who surely wanted to learn a lot from senior ones. My boring classes, long labs, furious teachers, have always come at second priority after smiles I wanted to bring at so many faces. The first year I only came to college for society work, ngo visits and receive as much experience as I could and sincerely respected orders given to me by seniors when I started off under teach the kids. Second year was even better- with three amazing people I have met in my college life whom I can never think of living without- Riddhi, Disha and Swati. The knowledge and experience just got better with them and we clearly had spread out our web at larger diameter, working for street children, people with disabilities and many more. Third year was a loss in beginning as my heart missed them a lot. With that came a responsibility of being the head of the society where I, now, have to give orders and see who all are working efficiently. Feels empty sometimes as no one sees if I am working efficiently or not.

Letting you go was the hardest thing I did since  years.
But you made me realize you are around all the time. 

College for me, only means working with Parivartan- running for permissions, scolding kids, slum teaching, associating with double the ngos we worked with last year and spreading as much awareness as we can. I will be missing my college, my society which has given me lot. Three amazing years at Parivartan are coming to an end. Not to forget the amazing and hardworking people I have met all throughout these years. Most of them have graduated, some will graduate with me, some who will do so in coming years. It feels like I have grown a lot- as a human, as a person. Surely I have learned to respect my co-workers. The journey of bringing change in college life as a student is coming to an end. But, as a person, it is not. I still have long way to go and continue my relations, visits to many organizations especially working for people suffering from disabilities. I thank Parivartan with open heart for teaching me all walks of life. Talking of experience, many more are yet to come. And of bonds, surreal ones just grow with time. 

The awesome trio!

That blessing in your life which we all call- Parivartan

Its Aavika, with a double 'a'!

"What's you name again?" the teacher would usually ask.
"Aavika", said the little girl.
"Spell it for me?" was the teacher's next question.
"A-a-v-i-k-a", the girl continued.
"With a double 'a'?, teacher kept asking.
"Yes, mam with a double 'a'", the little girl said, now irritated.
"What does it mean?" the teacher just wont stop.
"Mam, it doesnt specifically mean something", The girl said looking around the class who was starring at her.
"Cant be. Why would your parents give you such a name?" the teacher was now too interested.
"Mam, I dont know", she said shrugging. When will she shut up and teach?
That happened with me when I was in 2nd standard, in 3rd, in 4th. Oh! wait, that happened with me in every class. The upper the classes got, more the teachers got fonder of knowing the meaning behind the name.
"Beta, there must be a meaning to it. Ask your parents", the sport teacher said while the class was going to the ground in 7th standard to the girl with two pony tails.
"Sir, there's none. I've asked them, its just a meaningless word", she said agitated.
It happens when someone asks you the same question all throughout your life and you still cant answer it. Even though you love the name.
"But why would they keep a name which has no meaning?" the coordinator asked in 12th standard.
"Mam, the researchers are still trying to find out. When the readings are ready, I will inform you", the girl said in a very serious tone. Followed by a laughter from both the ends.
Not only the teachers, even friends, friends of friends, friends of family also ask the name.
"Oh! the balika vadhu wali avika?" an uncle said once.
"No!!!", she said in a highly overrated itching tone. "No! thats single 'a', am double 'a'." She said.
The most hatred thing in the world is seeing the beautiful unique name wrongly pronounced or written.
I've been well equipped now of poking "its double 'a' " over and over again. Weird part is, someone who's known you since a long time, still doesn't know the spelling.
But, now I've figured it out- the meaning. I did it earlier than the researchers.

even though its tiny, but you can easily see Aavika all over. :)
these people define me.

Aavika- a beautiful acronym used for someone who is very pretty, beauty, short, smart, funny, friendly, interactive and humorous. There! I did it.
Ofcourse, I love the identity given to me by my parents with an extra 'a'. The extra 'a' which has brought some extra stars on me. I've always admired it. No matter how much teachers/friends would blame my parents for keeping a meaningless word (as they say) as my name- I would never mind. I know its very unique, its very beautiful, its very yellow and its very 'me'! 

Meeting with the cousins Part-III

Yesterday morning they left for their home. My home has been quite since then. No more shouting, screaming, roaming around, watching TV all the time and what not. Its silent, sober and sailing like a ship in calm ocean. I like it this way. Even though I have to do all my work on my own: there's no one to fetch me water, bring me things from another room just once saying for it. But, everything is supposed to come back where it was, to its original state. The original state is the most comfortable one. Am glad now I don't have any peeping into my phone, whom am I texting to, no more glaring at the computer when am sitting on fb and asking things like who's this, whats that, and most importantly, my bed is mine again- No more sharing.
Yes, it was fun with them. Yet to a certain limit. They are kids after all! What could I talk to them all the time?
I feel free now. For sure, the house feels alone again with all the grown-ups, no shouting now screaming anymore. But, I guess its gonna stay like this for a longer while now.
Taking on holidays to the next level, am planning for more fun-filled days of movies (eager to watch Madagascar 3D), shopping, coffee (since its not good for growing kids, I couldn't make it at home for days) and planning something-something for future (dreaming I meant).  I made greetings for very special people and packed them gifts in newspapers and ribbons (go environment friendly things), watch movies (which are not suitable for little cousins.. ahem ahem).

Adios people! Enjoy the holidaysss (best time of life).!

Meeting with the cousins Part-II

Its gonna be a week almost since they arrived. The overnight talks are getting more cozy, the evening snacks are more chirpy, the swings are more faster, the bicycle rides are more rash. It feels good when they ask for my permission for going downstairs, eating biscuits, cold drinks and also for switching on the AC. Feels soo superior! I take full advantage of it though, ask them for bringing me water from fridge, for watering plants, for cleaning room. Ha! Little slaves.
But the last night was amazing. We painted two emboss paintings together, till 2 am. They ask me for every single detail of the picture, where to paint first and last. Hows and whats follow. The hard work does deserve an endowment. We celebrated with pepsi along with snacks with a round of "cheers". Followed by talks about movies, stars, songs, and what not.
"Vidya is more fatter than me. I dont like her", says 9 year of navya. She likes her fatty-ness and wants to be the only one with it.
The night hugs make me feel am precious to them. They both sleep with me. Hugging me.
However, the mornings are sweet too. Ria wakes her little sister up in the sweetest way possible- throwing cold water on her face.

I like how the days, the mornings, the nights go. But, somewhere my own private time of faceboking, talking on phones, watching my own tv shows (exclude this one, kids and me love Doreamon) has been lost. Somewhere, maybe the life is screaming for itself. Maybe its time things should be back to normal. This happens all the time. Someone comes, you enjoy, but then you want them to go and let your life come back in ASAP, but soon when they go, you feel a little pain. A pain of desolation, detached, individual and solitariness. 

Meeting with the cousins Part-I

Are you familiar with that adrenaline rush? That when you have reaching at a height of 60 feet? When you cannot see the ground? From where you can see the entire city? When your house, friends and everyone seem like tiny ants? When the stomach bounces flat and the wind juts carries you away? When you feel weight-less?

Just two days back my younger cousins have come to my place to spend their summer breaks. Geared up with pretty summer clothes, the girls haven't forgotten to bring their holidays homework. What a killer it was! Took twelve years of my life to complete it! Ria(11years) and nayva (9years) are just two opposites poles of the Earth. The home has for sure come back to life, for it constitute of high secondary, college, or pass outs. The park called then down with lusty swings. My job was only to push them and make them touch the sky. Huh! Tiring. 

Yesterday, we went again. This time it was different. Well, the weather was. Not much summer heat, but rather wind flowing. Different for one more reason, they asked me to swing this time (Replace asked with forced). I sat on the swing and my soul purpose (given to me) was to beat Ria. 

And so the adventure began. Magical, my feet still remember the techniques for reaching the cloud. What I used to do to defeat the swinging warriors. I reached a height of 10 feet, have to still go a long way. The adrenaline rush started a bit. Only a bit. I could feel my hair were swinging in the wind. I reached a height of 30 feet. Half of my capability it was. I had to defeat Ria! I looked up, the cloud was so near. I wanted to touch it. With all my efforts, I reached 60 feet! The height am never afraid of. After years have passed, I became a kid again. The tiny people on the Earth waved me as I was sitting on the cloud. The warm summer breeze seemed so lovely. I couldn't hear anything, except the sound of swing. The memories became as warm as the summer wind. The black & white memories were filled up with colors of childhood again. 

The Color of Blissfulness!

The yellow mustard farms

I very well bear in mind, the first time I was exposed to colors. When my parents taught me the primary colors: Blue, Red, Yellow. And I would scream "Yellow" all the time, everywhere. I would always pick the yellow token in ludo, snake and ladders. I would start coloring any picture with yellow first. I would go for shopping for school bag, water bottles, clothes and ask every shopkeeper, "ye yellow mein dikhao". I would love the yellow flowers at first: the yellow rose, the yellow mustard flowers. "Dekho kitni duur tak yellow hai", I would scream looking at mustard farm at village. The trend is going on since I was 2 and a half years.
I still scream "Yellow!!!" looking at the autos, the school buses, the road signals, the lights leaving all the people around me starring in amazement. Its simply my Love for this color.
Wonder what in this color has drowned me completely into it?

Yellow flowers completes the nature

Ask me what I see in this color?
Ask my why only this color? Why not something else?
The only answer I come up is:
"Yellow" for me means, bliss, cheer, delight, ecstatic, glee, liveliness, vivacity, rejoice, laughter, playfulness, joy, jubilation, optimism, laughter and a lot many feelings!
Yellow=Me
It makes me happy! The more number of things I see in yellow the entire day, I believe my day will be more good spirited. It just increases my luckiness and charm.
Another thing about yellow, which we all notice: the lights. The lamps are empty without yellow. The street lights would be of no use without yellow. Fireflies are abandoned without yellow. The diwali diyas, the autumn leaves, the flames, the crackers, everything is bare without yellow.

Just when the sunlight enters the room, every little details in the life blooms!

Also, the Sunshine is yellow. It means beginning of the new day, new hopes, new opportunities. When the sunlight explodes through my window panes, I feel like starring it at till it disappears. When the sunlight makes wonderful patters in my house, it gives me peace of mind. When the sunlight explodes from the leaves, I feel like a part of dark, horror, gloomy part inside me has vanished.
I crave for the yellow kurtis, yellow slippers, yellow clips, yellow rubber bands, yellow tops, yellow towels, yellow paint... in short everything yellow.

Yellow sunshine adds pleasure to the frame of Life

"After every dark, stormy, chilled night comes a bright, blissful, summery, Yellow morning"!

Getting renewed

The mirthful day's picture is honestly abridged without a walk- I believe.
Which I can never compromise with. Listening to music is another habit I avoid. I cannot just happen to miss the pulchritude of milieu which absorb me. That's my assiduity to nature. Eerie start flowing within me when I view the occult "things" around me. Things: two children on one huge bicycle, managing not to fall; dragonflies, walking on the footpath and the cars passing by in blue streak, providing wind into the roots of my hair; background music played by the nature comprising of birds and trees with leaves dancing. A few, dance too much that they fall.
Its astonishing. I look down as I watch fallen yellow lilies all over the footpath, till the end of my sight. Where I still try to prevent stepping on them, while humming some tune of my own creation.
How in Love I have been with the nature lately. Not lately, since I got introduced to it. How magically it captivates the very souls of me. Haven't witnessed any more better thing. The clear orange cum blue sky, windy atmosphere and dew drops somewhere in the heart of the air.
I've escaped from the assiduousness of life.
For a moment I've become as light as a feather, ready to be carried away by the air. For a moment, have become as soft as a pearl, ready to be woven with flowers. For a moment, have become as swift as the leaves, ready to dance with them.
For me, walk is an important hustle of the day. How unfinished the day gets when it lacks.
A ten minutes walk from metro to college in the morning gives me the oomph which I beseech. Another ten minutes walk from metro to home in the evening give me time to introspect about the on going processes.
Never have I gotten tired of walking during these times, mentally. But that's what sets things straight for me.
One good thing, gets followed by another- One of the another things I believe.
I enter home, bowl over, I look with amazement around.
Flowers of the best kind I ever saw all over my place.

Mum got it. (for free she said while sitting and reading newspaper in the balcony).
The gift of Him which I kept praising all over way to home, is at my place. Am blessed by nature, (one more thing) I believe.
I witnessed the Love, a selfless one.