A year of dormancy

6th November 2014 to 6th November 2015

A year has passed
of dormant emotions lying in the sheets
of unknown perplexity.
Opening and closing of closures
and of deeds never achieved.

A year has passed
of escaping from and sometimes running into
the darkness or the light
of another feeling flying
in the vast grasslands under the sky.

A year has passed
of never really writing
of writing and hiding
of sharing the writing
then wondering why did I share.

A year has passed
Upholding in my gut
changing with the world
letting go of certain things
and still adamant on some.

A year has passed
I know none of you
I know some of you
I live in the paper boat
Floating over the chances of knowing you.

A year has passes
my ink has dried
turned from black to grey
like the thoughts that I hid
somewhere in my chest.

A year has passed
I rely on myself
the world is a silly place I tell you
at the end, for yourself
Its only you.

A year has passed
I see some faces brimming up repeatedly
I can depend on them
They feed my irregular thoughts
I wish one was mine in those.

A year has passed
of accepting the fact that
I am not impeccable, I am deniable
I am not a rear view mirror
I am not closer than I appear.

A year has passed
Finally figuring this out
'This' is me
Trying to achieve the dreams
which are stupid to others.

A year has passed
from where I was
to where I am
supposedly where I will be
in another year from now,

would you wait to see?

Picture Courtesy - Hardik Photography

'A year of dormancy' is written just one year after my last post on my blog. My blog which was once so crucial to me, which I nurtured like my own little one, doesnt even exist for me now, unfortunately. I grew indifferent to my will for writing. I wrote in hidden crevices and denied sharing. I was quite the opposite a year back. I certainly come in those people who prefer saying 'I wrote for you', instead of 'I felt for you'.
This post is out of anger and disappointment with respect to the fact that I left writing. Or writing left me...........Or perhaps it never did.

Dastak

Photo by Neel Kamal Pandey

us jang lagey taale ke peeche

malbey jaisi deewaro ke peeche

main shor hu ya sannata hu

main roshni hu ya andhera hu

tu de dastak, main batata hu

main teri hi kahani hu

kuch yaado ke jaale simte hain

halki dhoop ke mele hain

main ateet hu ya aagaami hu

main mohobbat hu ya nafrat hu

tu de dastak, main batata hu

main teri hi ruswaai hu

tujhe khurechi hui deewarein milengi

tujhe do nahi, kai parchaiyaa milengi

main kuch toote dilo ka raag hu

main ankaha koi fasana hu

tu de dastak, main batata hu

main teri roohani shaam hu

par ek darwaza hai kahi chupa hua

jaha tere jaisa koi hai band pada

main teri aas hu

main tera gumaan hu

tu de dastak, main batata hu

main tujh jaiso ko uksati lagaam hu

I talk #OctPoWriMo 2013 day 7

Me being strong

me being patient

me being happy

me being perfect

often the positives

make my life so bright

when I know that things

will be on my side

Fate then pushes me

to go forth and forth

filled with success

walking on the path, I see

I am a northern star

Showing everyone the path

People can rely on me

for I will never misguide

Me being weak

me being dull

me being impatient

me being crooked

then comes these thoughts

when positives dont flow

for mind can never be empty

often negativity comes in too

then I stay

like some water at one place

I see none

The star is lost in black sky

who will guide me then?

who will show me the way? 

these are my two halves

which fight sometimes

all along the way

But I put the thoughts aside

for people are still looking 

at the stronger part

for people are still looking 

at the norther star

I Rise!

Underneath the oceans

sinking in the depths

when the world abandons

I think

when shall the right time come? 

when shall I rise again?

Waiting desperately for some years

which now appears like decades

the water has gone thick

Its time I risk it all

I say to myself

I shall rise soon! 

And then there's no story

without hurdles and hindrances

the soul shakes from within

Let this be a phase not stage

'This shall pass too'

I will rise soon! 

That night I became

my own exorcist

letting out the evil spirits

a crater left for filling now

lets start it over

Now I can rise again!

Then teeth dont bite

then nails dont scratch

then tears dont heal

just in the desperation

every piece of me

makes one sound

'I rise, I rise now! 

Picture Courtesy- Hardik Photography

Missed?

The air got thin
But I didnt say a word
The picture went all blurred
I waited if it'd settle down
And you say I wasn't there?

Slowly the smoke filled the place
Smoke of hatred
Smoke of pain
Smoke of tolerance
And you say I wasn't there?

The rumors went bad
I didn't give a damn
You kept making it worse
I struggled all within
And you say I wasn't there?

Time never takes a flair
Then you say life isn't fair
Something keeps going wrong
True, what goes up will come down
Does it mean I wasn't there?

Oh! your reminisces
Its just a matter of time
A temporary piece of time, I promise
Then you say I wasn't there?

But my heart conjures otherwise.

When there's nothing to look back and only letting go

“Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land” 
― Pablo Neruda, Selected Poems

Goodbye My lover, Goodbye My friend

-of mistakes, of pain, of agony

Yesterday we shook our hands for the last time

All this while I had waited for a gesture from your side

And when it finally did;

It brought me serenity, peace & smile

Maybe the time has come
when I see everything in black & white
The old photos bring you to me
the innocent smiles on our tired faces

The lilies have grown and faded
Spring had come and gone
But not has just spring indeed;
Many seasons have passed us by

The clock is tired of reminding me
that I should grow against the odds
Still I have been so resilient
That I'd never let it depart

Is it just me or you too?
Lest we make a change
And grow out of cowardliness
Without the convolutions

And so I let my fear go
Not only because the time asked me to
Well, cos I had to grow stronger
And let those gaps disappear

Not wondering how and when
Not thinking whether you'd accept it or not
The pale skin is about to fade; of mine
Ready to thrive!

When the wounds open, they often tend to heal

Photo Credits: Hardik Photography 

With or Against Nature?

Toys, cartoon character, mugs, wrappings, stationary, decorative items, a lot of things come in shapes of animals easily available at Archies or Hallmark at which we all look with awe. We all, at some point of lives have had pyjamas with antlers faces, or maybe some other cute animals. Animals look cute when we bring into being with human touch. I look around my computer table, I see a turtle toy, sparrow sitting in her nest, four wallpapers of different types of birds, beer stickers all over my room.
Then why are sparrows vanishing, dogs being abandoned, antlers hunted for fun, tigers killed for skins when we love them so much with their fake entity?
I watched an hour and a half length documentary on dolphin slaughtering in Taiji, Japan by Ric O'Barry called "Cove" which killed a part of me as I watched intently. People in Japan watch dolphins in dolphinarium while eating dolphin meat (which has high mercury content) at the same time. A few people say there are not bothered, they cant do anything about it, its not in our country. If you simply try to avoid it, doesn't mean it'll go away. The movie will surely hit you straight in head and heart leaving you think for a real long time about what could be done. I see dolphins in movies and videos and 'mystical creatures' is all that comes in my mind. They've been proved to be more intelligent than humans, you know along with having the power to heal with their presence. Search the internet and so many results appear of people who have survived because of them. Dolphins love us and we only love their toys.
When will humans stop pretending they are ultimate owners of nature? Nature hates humans for what all we have done to her- exploited her in worse condition imaginable. We dont own any living creature. Nobody gave us right for it. We can only own cars and houses or draw borders. We are humans- selfish, preoccupied, not bothered, dictators. At the same time, we can be humans- loving, caring, helping. The only question is which part are we at.

Watch the movie if your inner calling hasn't come yet, it surely will now. Visit- http://savejapandolphins.org/

Lets Bring Our House Sparrows back!

Why is it a trend? That what is in abundance shall fall down someday.
A few days back Delhi Chief Minister Mrs. Sheila Dikshit announced House Sparrow as "State Bird of Delhi". Launching "Rise For Sparrows"; India's largest conservation programme for these birds, would draw awareness and rise attention towards these beautiful birds, they say. Delhi, considered under one of the greenest cities in world, has surely a tremendous scope for urban conservation. We all know urban population has made it difficult for sparrows to fly in the open blue sky, the fertilizers in soil has affected their feeding on insects and worms and development of buildings has worsened their nesting. If humans need development, why not think of organisms who live with us too?
What has happened, has happened, we should now think what steps we can take for their betterment.
Common Bird Monitoring of India launched its website- Common Bird Monitoring of India
which serves awards, FAQ's, birds in your region, sponsors, bird of the month, latest new, photography competitions etc, all for spreading awareness for all kinds of birds. Lets be a part of this!
What more should we do?
*Go organic! Replace the pesticides in house plant pots and spare some un-affecting worms for sparrows.
*Provide clean water for birds, right outside our balconies.
*Keeping larger bird bath & a bowl of dust bath for birds will surely help. All birds needs them daily. Sparrows need them quite often a day.
*Growing hedges with edible berries will surely facilitate bring them back. Its their favorite meal.
*Putting nest boxes/handies at a safe height for breeding.
An amazing site by Nature Forever Society provides scientifically designed sparrow nest boxes made of recycled pine heart wood & special sparrow feeders on a no-profit-no-less basis- Nature Forever Society
With bird feeders at Rs. 89 and Sparrow nest boxes from Rs. 309 onwards is surely a do-able price for saving these species.  Eager to hear the bird chirping again? Join the cause and bring the sparrows back!

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer"- Albert Camus

When 'that' dream came true

When you've spent all your years dreaming for something. To achieve. To feel. To do. That sudden up rise in stomach you feel everyday that the dream is still in head. Dreaming even when sun has risen to its full. The desperation eats you alive all the counting hours of day and it feels amazing. It feels full. To have a dream is more important than to have a life; at times. Especially if you wish to do something which hasn't ever occurred before.

"A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he has done"- Cardinal Newman

The grandest of all moments is the one when its just about to happen. The adrenaline rush to its fullest and heart beats beating all earlier records. When all eyes are not on you but on the work that you've done- that 'it' moment when life has different meaning to itself. When you thank God for everything He has ever provided to you. When you fall in love with yourself all over again. 

I felt it too.

But it comes with a parallel worst feeling- now what? The dream is now full with colorful rainbows flying from all directions along with praises and adoration. You've written history with big bold beautiful golden letter and left it for generations to carry forward. You come home and have a good night sleep. The next morning feels a little empty with no more plannings to do. You look yourself in the mirror. The soul is now complete with a part missing. For a person who has dreamed of this all along with every passing day; there's nothing more to do. There's no more dream. There's a crater in mind, in soul waiting to be filled with a dream again. Another just like Sugraahi. 

dedicated to all parivartan members :)

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
T. E. Lawrence 

F.L.Y

Dew drops are clinging on trees

Seems beautiful to me

I think I am in Love

Astonishing Love; with you

I think it'll soon be You & Me

You hold my hand tight

The words about to come; I might have heard

In movies, in songs they say

Is this magic travelling through my veins? 

I think it'll soon be You & Me

I think I am flying high

With you, into the sky

Swimming aloof through the clouds

The 7th Heaven I have witnessed finally

My heart makes a sound

Am I rushing too fast?

I quickly do the words aside

I think it is now You & Me

The clouds don't allure me much

The ground keeps calling

Your charm is finally loosing its shine

Transiting seasons invite me

I think its time to go

Dew drops fall from the trees

They hit the ground softly

The green grass, the yellow flowers

They ensure I am not abhor

I think now its only Me and I dont mind

I look at the pink clouds above

Sometimes they tease me

For the heaven I have left

But who says there's no heaven here?

Passing a smirk I enjoy the transiting seasons

I think its blissfully Me and I dont mind

I will soon FLY

The Path

The path is a beautiful one
Regularly taken by all
Written by God, they say
Where a  flourishing future is certain
"We all shall walk on this"
That's what my ancestors say

While I look beyond the horizon
An act forbidden
I see the blue clouds afloat
Above another path; right next to ours
"We all shall walk on this"
That's what my ancestors say.

I keep walking here; where everyone does
My eyes still hover over the path running parallel
The colorful flowers are blooming too
Suddenly my adrenaline rushes
"We all shall walk on this"
That's what my ancestors say

Much time has passed
I keep my feelings trapped
Now the path comes in my dreams
Often talks to me; provokes me
Is this hallucination?
"We all shall walk on this"
That's what my ancestors say.


My mind now deviate from the old path
'Confused the child is, Shall come back soon', says my ancestors
But they don't know, where my heart had laid
My feet start walking towards the flowers
My soul keeps moving towards the shining stars
Before I could know, my path had changed
"We all shall walk on this"
That's what my ancestors say.

This is my path now
A more colorful one
Taken by none
Written by oneself, they say
Where flourishing mind is certain
"We all shall walk where our hearts lay"
They now say.

The pursuit to find a clover

"When will I find a clover maa"? a little girl in pink frock asked her mum cooking food in morning. With a light pink headband, she looked beautiful. Her mother smiled, not looking at her yet.
"Whats with the clover, darling. Since days you are busy finding the clover"? her mother asked now bent on knees to come in level of her height, leaving her cooking oil aside. The girl only had a sorrow face, as if too much impounded in her thoughts.
"I want to collect luck, many of my friends already have", she said starring the white tiles on kitchen floor.
To this, the mother maintained her smile of awe and spoke, "You have family, friends, good school and everything you need. Why still hover over finding clover?" and kissed her forehead.
Time passed by. Little girl grew up. The frocks were taken over by denims and tops, hair grew and so did her beauty. The mind was captivated over searching for clover and her friends sometimes helped her too, though they already had theirs.
Earth had rotated and revolved a lot of time since her never-ending quest for catching a clover had began. She kept her priorities, friends, life at bay and slowly they all drifted apart, as boats leave the shore alone after departure, sometimes leaving someone behind.
Today, its been two decades since her eyes, soul, heart, mind haven't rested in peace only to catch some luck in life. To attain something she desired so long, she lost what she already possessed. Sitting alone on the shore, looking at the beautiful sunset so far and mesmerizing, she looks at the life she had lost, the horizon now not in sight of eye, anguished why she didn't climb the boat.
We all need some luck in life- health, study, finance, job, relations to reach the pinnacle of life and attain nirvana. But what we forget is what we hold in our hands- friends, family. One must be thankful for what he already owns and honor it every passing minute such that it stays. To find the missing puzzle piece, we must feel glad to have a few pieces with us.
Respect what you already have, then only you shall get more.

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful" -

Gautama Buddha (CIRCA 563BC-483BC)

-founder of Buddhism

Lost & Found

While travelling in metro, I see maximum girls (ladies coach) enjoying music via headset. Similar scene is observed in bus or while random walk too (I walk a lot).

I sat in the bus for college. Connected the headset to my phone and plugged them in my ears. Scrolling down (just to mention, my phone isn't a touchscreen/ qwerty. Hate complications) I think which song to play. "Lily Allen- Smile or Nelly Furtado-Say it right". After many such question, I played Homecoming- Kanye West. My head and ears starts enjoying. Then does the body while eyes still pop out of the window. What  would be my life without headset? Its like leaving body without soul. After 40-45 minutes, I reached college and tucked in the headset back in bag. The journey seem so simple with them.

Who knew that would be the last time I'd see them?

I lost them somewhere in college.

Music is a bliss

After one and a half year:

Me and Anjali sitting in bus seats (Trust me, life is a bliss when you get a seat to travel in our route) and she takes her headsets out (she knows I don't have those)- "Song"? she said searching for some good one in her touchscreen phone (Yes, I don't have that either). "Okay!", I said. "I guess this is a really long time after I'll be listening to songs via headset". She gave one end to me and said "hope you know how to use that" with a pure hint of sarcasm. "Naah! I was about to put them in my nose, really", I said hitting back with that sarcasm. We heard some songs by Maroon 5 and the journey ended within 3 songs. Its weird, when people are listening to music while travelling, they start counting distance with song lengths.

I reached home and for a second tried to remember my life with headsets (which lasted for only 6 months). I couldn't remember much. I couldn't even imagine myself with 'my own' headsets.

But I imagined myself travelling in metro while reading something. Or walking while embracing world around me. And having fun in bus while looking outside the window. While others enjoy 'music in their heads', I enjoy my own self as my eyes are much busier and doing much interesting job- the hand made colorful pots for selling on road, the kids hurrying to school, wind blowing and purifying mind & body, everything seems soothing and nice. I guess world is too beautiful and has to be admired rather than getting into the headset all the time and missing what lies outside the window. In the beginning, I felt boredom has struck me heavily until I realized the world just want me to notice what is around me. My dad went on asking me to get a new headset, but I resisted. Some time went, and I started learning to do something really productive instead of wasting time- studying/ sleeping/ playing games on phone (that sharpens mind skills) or just sit ideal sometime and relax the mind (when do we get the time for that?). Its all about utilizing the time and managing still not to ignore the beauty of world that surrounds us. 

This is my phone wallpaper.
Don't forget, Life is a pure bliss.

Even though I lost my headset, but I found myself! 

The singular form at Paradise

Its been 7 days straight. Never has it happened to me. 7 days without talking to him. 7 days without calling him. 7 days without meeting him. 7 days of no late night calls. 7 days of not being 'together' with him. 7 days of not being in a 'relation'. 7 days of being- SINGLE.
Never has it also happened to me. 7 days of elation. 7 days of exquisite pleasure. 7 days of high cheer. 7 days of limitless glee. 7 days living on 7th heaven. 7 days of no pain and guilt. 7 days of optimism. 7 days of laughter. 7 days of euphoria. 7 days of peace of mind. 7 days in 'LOVE' with me.
Since a long time, I had never been single. As in, always been in a relation. Devoted to the lover. Devoted to his work, his calls, his this and his that. Never had I known, Love can be with oneself too. The selfless love. Surely, if you want someone to love you, you should be deeply, madly, truly in love with yourself. The elation and enchantment follows.

The phone now usually hangs in some corner of the world. I dont get regular calls or messages, I dont charge my phone, the battery is barely used. I dont sit around wondering what is he doing now & then. I dont need to swim into the ocean of sadness now. I just have to run on the green grass of laughter. I dont usually step out of house to meet him, I sit on the sofa and eat popcorn and watch movies. I dont have to think too much of every fight we used to have. I have learned to wisely chuck things out. I have witnessed change in me. I am a happy being.
 Life is too complicated and miseries itself sometimes that it gets even painful wandering off sorrow from another's. I have given a chance to myself. Life is too colorful if you wish. Its too magical if you wish. Its too elated if you wish. Its too bright and sun shining if you wish. Its too yellow if you wish. But only if you wish. Surely, you dont need someone else all the time to bring you joy. It comes from the heart. From one's own heart.

These 7 days of Love with myself were no doubt the best in years. I had an immense fun. I love myself. All the time I look into the mirror wondering how pretty I am and feel like kissing myself. This is where I belong. This is PARADISE. 

The Story of 'Her' Life

I very clearly remember how I met her. In the train. Sitting opposite to my birth. Her mates offering her the vodka, she taking just a sip, asked me "Vodka?", happened to be her first word to me.
"I dont drink", I said
She gave away the drink. Smugged.
Thats where we met. Opposite upper births of train.
And thats how our rest of the night went, talking about which courses we do, ambitions we have, hobbies we keep, people we admire, songs we listen and so on.
We enjoyed the upcoming days together. It was destined we meet, thats what I can say.
Acquaintances we were.
Sadly, not all NSITians stay in touch. Surprisingly, all 'their' people usually sit on the same couch as mine.

Monali Sisodia
Studying in Swami Keshavanand Institute of Technology, Management and Gramothan.
And profoundly, studying in 3rd year when I met her.
An institute in Jaipur where she was to become a Scientist.

Or so, wasn't written.
"I dont wanna be a scientist yaar! Its getting over the head", suddenly a message shows up when I just reached home at evening from the depressing life of 1st year at college.
"Its okay! Maybe you are too sick of exams appearing", I replied
She called.
And in hassled way we talked.
She left it. Just before her exams appeared.
And completely changed her profile.

Monali Sisodia
Frameboxx Animation

An insitute in Mumbai where she is to become an animator.

God will always give you many ways to pick. You must pick what is best for you. For, He shall never pick on your behalf. Even when you think you've happened to have picked the wrong one, He shall rewind the time for you and bring you again the two paths. Maybe the same older ones. Or maybe the completely derived new ones. Nevertheless, He, surely will.

Doleful, we never got to spend enough time with each other. Blithe, she frequently calls and messages me the updates of her life.

Right now, she is about to complete her animation and do a splendind job in the same. With the annual function upcoming at her college, and height maybe 5"10 she is the showstopper of Fashion Show.
With a lovely pretty face she has, I dont know what they will make her fom the "Gothic" theme.

She, completely changed her Life. Took a decision that, she knew will compell her to transform the outlook of herself. Made her parents understand her priorities and grew completely as a beautiful butterfly out of a cocoon.
Moreover, she recenlty did a photoshoot of a model, as far as I remember.
"Toh kya hua khud model nahi ban sakti, photo toh le hi sakti hu", thats the message she'd sent me.

Dont know, when the time shall come and we meet. Do all the things we scheduled. But, the time shall come, I encourage myself .
Lionized into success. I wish she fills her cup with more of that with divine luck, faith, hardwork and beatitude.
Love will always flow from my side, I assure you.

Its better late then never...

Finally, feels like its been ages since I've gotten down to blogging. The exams ate my mind & time up. Having so many fishes to fry, I couldn't think of anything. Though, the cake didn't bake very nicely with many complicated issues to be followed. After giving the final exam, trust me, I didn't feel like they are over. Neither was I filled with over the brim excitement and relief. Relief is just a term that arrives if your exams went good. Mine, just the beginning two were good. Rest. Just flowed like a landslide. Not just I had to give my one compartment exam (which again didn't go so good), I had to give another one of the crankiest exam the very next day (which gave me a severe depression) which lead to more of the blahs. Then, I lost my wallet somewhere, which not only had enough money which I was saving, but also my college ID card and driving license. Anyhow, this blog isn't about again feeling the ennui.
So, yesterday I told my parents what my influenza was. They gave all their ears to my issues. Ears which I got from none. It felt good, relieved to let them know. Yes, my issues were something which many people have. Obviously, I understand 90% of what is being fed in the class. But, somewhere when it comes to exams, I do not perform that well. These were the points I figured out:
* Gazing at the question paper, I realize I have read all this & that. So it should go good. But, while crossing half the bridge, I can't carry the rest. Its because I study only during exams, which mixes the things. Then, I don't know which way to go. Rather, its important to do some daily studying. 'Some' is also 'enough'. After all, each drop of water makes the ocean.

*The positive aura is also important. Which only comes with love and peacefulness. If one has these, the concentration becomes stronger.

*Another thing which made my wine fell over the glass was my sleep. I crucified it badly. Waking up till 3, 4, 5 in the morning only gave me less time. 'Less time' for my brain to take rest and store the data. Thanks Aditya for that future tip. Also, if one wants to do that, he shall do it daily. 'Daily' studying till this hour of the morning so that the brain becomes addict for this level- Dad said. Which, does not happens to be my bite of apple.

*Even friends matter for support. The college which I belong to, happens to be one where people will look at you with lowered eyes if you do not score 65-70%. Thats what I said to mum, that people don't talk to me nicely when it comes to studies. She just said this "You are what you think you are. If people think you are not good in some field and even you think the same, then you are not. But if you think you are good, then let people blabber".

Isn't this amazing how parents advice you so nicely. Even if you are a failure or a topper or some average person, you are a star for them. My parents are my last shot of grasping hope, and they never have, never will fail me for that. Just that you need to share things with them. If they do not ask you about your studies, its because you never tell them anything. But if you want to some day open that door for them, you'll see them standing there waiting for you to let them in. Not just one of the parents, you'll find them both. It gives a break actually. But just tell them before they start expecting, thats the trick. Its like, you come home giving the worse exam and they smilingly ask you how was it. And you are blank. So, just tell the, before they ask you. Not just about exams, about everything.
Friends, spouse, people, only happen to give you one or two or three chances, but they give you million. Thats because they trust you, since birth.
"Its okay! Its just a third semester, you still have three more. You are just half way. Now you know where you need to work, you will do better." Mum said.
Last but not the least, Thanks Nitti. You were a huge pillar of support during exams. Not just one or two exams, but every.
So, I happened to share with parents, and they let me breathe again. They let my doomed ship fly again. Am letting go off what happened this semester, with many new tips occurring in my head, I'll pay off confidently in the next one.
Finally, a nice cherry is on the roasted cake. "A good ending, makes everything good".
Solace. Succor. Sustenance.

Completely Naive..:)

The whole year passes by, I, pretending always how grown up I am. Like how coolly I can just do everything: Shopping, billing, and blah blah. Just it happened on the morning of 14th Novemeber, when just as the ritual, my dad gave money to my younger brother (who is 14 going to 15) to spend on 'Children's Day'. I, envious even asked for mine. Not just the money I demanded, but 'a right to be a child again' was what I wanted. My dad gave me none. Why? Cos 4 months to go, am gonna be 19.
Depressed, I return back to looking-in-the-mirror-while-brushing. How lame! I say while I bang my brush on the basin. Off to college in the metro, I still dreamed of a few years back, when even I celebrated at school (even buying a spring roll with friends at canteen was a celebration).

The wondrous years passed by, and never had I thought they would pass too soon. Playing whole day, no one to scold. I was the winner of all the games, which comprised of Stappu, gallery, hide n seek and many more. Swinging on the swings, swinging the highest, we always tried to touch the top bar of a tree behind, tremendously while swinging. Bob cut, open, air rushing through them while swinging. How amazing those days were. And I ruled the world, the gang leader I was, in my 3-6th standard school time. Just a few days back it was when I learned to ride a bike with my oldest of oldest friend- Deeksha. Falling down at every paddle, still she pushing me to try again. No heartbreak warfares. No fights, discrimination. Asking for a glass of water after every half an hour of playing from 'Ground floor wali auntie', we used to call. The skipping rope, my record for 117 skips non-stop. Dare would anyone break it. The rolling skates. The dolls. The kitchen set. The daddy's shoulder. The parent's scolds. Going to the school with a water bottle around the neck. Singing the nursery poems with actions. No matter what, I still have maintained the favorite hobby: Fighting with my brother almost daily, pulling my dad's cheek daily and pissing off my sister, again, daily. Watching cartoons is still in my daily catalogue.

So, where did those days go? True- Day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different. 
And so, arrives Dhaula Kuan Station, I get down. A 15 minutes walk from childhood to adulthood. From school to college.
The day passes just as I superficially wished all "Happy Children's Day". Home back, the celebration starts. Shahi paneer made at home (in which the paneer slicing was done by me, proud) followed by an ice cream. And so, as rightly said by dad-"No matter how much you all grow, you will still and always remain kids for us". (I glanced if that meant for my almost 22 years sis) Relief!

"Some people do not become adult. They just remain childlike ever-green, and luckily, you are one of them", says my mum to me.

Somewhere, we have the infant in us. Let it come out, for a child cannot be caged.
Happy Children's Day to all!

A New Day Has Come

A New Day. Filling rays of hope in the eyes. 

It just happened. I woke up today, in the morning and forgot what, why, and how I was upset yesterday. A fact: You reckon not to forget things which went in your mind the previous night, in case left incomplete. How did I forget it then? The new day, the new morning, the new ray of hope, the window besides my bed which appears newer each morning, refreshes me up. Am sure it does spreads its magic on everyone. Each night, when I remember what I did in the day, which I make sure I do (after all a summary is needed), whether its good or not,  it follows the next morning too. Most of the nights, am left agitated, that I didn't complete the tasks I was supposed to do, as a matter of fact the things are postponed to the next day.
In that case, I look up to the next day. Not just the clock to struck 12. I make sure I sleep soon. Instead of discussing the things with people, I make sure I sleep. Cos the new day brings new hopes. I know I've got new chances to make the things move in the right direction.
The new glistening morning is only to try once more, in some different manner, to start afresh. No matter how bad, guilty, remorse, embarrassed, or what so ever I feel, I must try again. Give an ear to an enthusiastic song,  I am sure everyone has their own, (for each event) and aim for the bullseye again. Life gives you opportunities, till you keep faith."Faith"- a word more bigger in size and shape than Trust  & Hope. I make sure, I have faith in me the most. I make sure I want to try again. Having being fallen like a thousand times, I make sure I stand up again.

So, for now, the girl who left music 3 years back, is gonna hold it again. Cos if she doesn't try it, she'll regret it one day in life. She knows, "Its better late then never".
Its okay, people have rejected you, your belief system has been broken down and other people are better than you. At that time, I always remember what what my dad taught me, "There is no lock without a key, as there is no problem with a solution, just that only 'you' can find its solution, others can only guide you, but the path 'you' take will make all that matters. You can make a good future, or better, make a good history to share".
So which path to take? That's completely up to you. But, not to worry until you have faith. After all. you are the Michelangelo of your life. You can paint it in any way you want to.

At the end, "Life isn't about buying a second car or a second house. Its about second chances and second comings".

So start afresh!
Here is my song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaGLVS5b_ZY&ob=av2e

Getting renewed

The mirthful day's picture is honestly abridged without a walk- I believe.
Which I can never compromise with. Listening to music is another habit I avoid. I cannot just happen to miss the pulchritude of milieu which absorb me. That's my assiduity to nature. Eerie start flowing within me when I view the occult "things" around me. Things: two children on one huge bicycle, managing not to fall; dragonflies, walking on the footpath and the cars passing by in blue streak, providing wind into the roots of my hair; background music played by the nature comprising of birds and trees with leaves dancing. A few, dance too much that they fall.
Its astonishing. I look down as I watch fallen yellow lilies all over the footpath, till the end of my sight. Where I still try to prevent stepping on them, while humming some tune of my own creation.
How in Love I have been with the nature lately. Not lately, since I got introduced to it. How magically it captivates the very souls of me. Haven't witnessed any more better thing. The clear orange cum blue sky, windy atmosphere and dew drops somewhere in the heart of the air.
I've escaped from the assiduousness of life.
For a moment I've become as light as a feather, ready to be carried away by the air. For a moment, have become as soft as a pearl, ready to be woven with flowers. For a moment, have become as swift as the leaves, ready to dance with them.
For me, walk is an important hustle of the day. How unfinished the day gets when it lacks.
A ten minutes walk from metro to college in the morning gives me the oomph which I beseech. Another ten minutes walk from metro to home in the evening give me time to introspect about the on going processes.
Never have I gotten tired of walking during these times, mentally. But that's what sets things straight for me.
One good thing, gets followed by another- One of the another things I believe.
I enter home, bowl over, I look with amazement around.
Flowers of the best kind I ever saw all over my place.

Mum got it. (for free she said while sitting and reading newspaper in the balcony).
The gift of Him which I kept praising all over way to home, is at my place. Am blessed by nature, (one more thing) I believe.
I witnessed the Love, a selfless one.