PART III : Eternal Halt

-Pieces of a Diary

Pg 1689

I am out of clue what is happening. He's been to another work tour but was supposed to return yesterday by flight. Its raining exuberantly since previous night everywhere. With no network to access and failing television antennas, all my faith in Almighty is rolling down. Each striking thunder breaks my comfort to our son and his enormous wails breaks me. I have never got this feeling ever- of losing him. What if the flight... I quickly do that thought aside. 

We got married in the little backyard wedding having only a few people present. We love cutting out from the world. I was in a peach white shouldered gown with no gown-tail and he was in the favorite blue-ink tuxedo. The backyard was covered in white lilies, purple orchids which only grow to the fullest in two months a year in heavy spring. That is the best time to make someone yours; with nature supporting. 

The thunder is too hard and avoiding me to dwell in my thoughts ushering me back to present. I can't wait too long. I must do something, get to the airport at least and check the flight arriving myself. I admit it today, I've always wished his work tours would end. I am leaving our son with the neighbors till I get back, hopefully with him.

24 years later:

Son: "So mother was beautiful right? I think even photos could not do justice to her beauty".

Father: "Thats because she was beautiful inside out. I wish she'd not have left the house that day".

Son: "And she wished you would leave your work tours- so says her diary".

Father: "If only she'd tell me...."

Son: "Its okay dad. I guess even I shouldn't have wailed that night, that only made everything worse [chuckles]. But there's nothing we can do".

Father: "I need some time alone, son". [sitting on the chair in dining hall]

Son: "I understand".

Father: "Why did you leave? My flight got delayed and with no phone access anywhere, I couldn't reach you. I got back the next day and the neighbors told you'd left for the airport the previous night. You know I checked the entire airport for you but the surveillance camera showed you did not come there. I checked the entire town and found no trace of you. For two days I was in our home, expecting you'd come anytime.. for me.. for our son. You never came. After four days, police found parts of our old chevy in forest. Probably hit by a tree, the car had fallen into a deep trench. You knew that was a bad shortcut to take to airport, you always told me the same."

"You know I love you and our son loves you a lot. He keeps admiring your beauty. This home is still refreshed with your remembrances. You will watch me grow old from heavens above, I wish I'd see you growing old too". He says holding their wedding picture in hand. The wall is filled with pictures, he looks up. Its been 24 years since she's gone and this time- he's counting the years. 

PART II- Scintillating Reminiscing

-Pieces of a Diary
Pg 847

Here I sit in the park we first met. Where his cap came flying towards me and we almost bumped into each other picking it. Here he asked my number and since then we've never been alone. That white cap with blue stripes is still with him, now has become a lucky charm.
I haven't seen him since a month. He's off to his another work tour to other part of the country. For a woman who works from home, this is hard to understand at times. Our house seems alien to me when he's away. My skin appears parched, the walls seem colorless, the mirrors has his' reflection. But with every passing hour when he's on his way back home, the house itself illuminates with brighter colors. I get chills even thinking he'll be coming here very soon. Actually very soon, maybe in another 20 minutes. I have asked him to come to this park- to share a news with him, dressed in a dress he gave on my previous birthday.
I dont know how many years have passed. It seems I've known him since eternity. How was my life before meeting him? I have no memories of it. Maybe because he's so easy going. Maybe cos he understands.
I have remembrances of our best night ever, we had gone for a sudden trip to nearest farm house right three days before he left. The farm house so elegant and subtle which appeared on brochure delivered at home. We drove till the farm house in an old chevy which is a memory of his father, so we can never let it go. Unfortunately & expectedly, it broke down a few kilometers from the destination- something not very odd. Nothing in sight and tired of trying, we spent our night in the car near the tree. I have never been afraid when he's around. We sang in chorus with the radio songs and talked to the stars- the Saturday tradition which we cannot desolate. We made love later and slept in old blankets kept in back seat of chevy. Though a towing truck came around 4.30 in the morning and spoiled our sleep.

I feel he's coming towards me.
I have never been so desperate to see him. For I will tell him I am carrying our child.

PART I- Dream Lover

-Pieces of a diary
Pg 449

He often admits that I am his 'spirit of the west'. I never could understand the real meaning of it. Never was I bothered to ask. When I am reading a novel on the jute chair in balcony, he sips his tea and stares at me for long. Long enough that I start ignoring. His never ending staring gives me palpitations.

We have a routine of star-gazing every Saturday evening when we try to count the stars on night ink blue sky. He barely looks at the infinite blanket. His eyes affixed upon me. He says am the star that he wants to count on forever. I wonder from where he brings his words that send me a jolt. Things to which I cannot think of replying.

I remember the first time we had gone for lunch when he was so afraid to hold my hand. A fragile look all across his face. Not fragile of hurt manliness. But that of a fragile love which could be broken with any miss-happening or wrong interpretation. That phase has passed though.

I dont know how much time we have spent together. I have stopped keeping track of time. He never lets me. 'We keep track of something which is about to expire', he'd say frequently. I dont argue much with him on this topic. I can only pass a smile.

He makes me feel like am the only woman he knows. Like he is fond of me like the gem keeper. Who even though is surrounded by many gems yet his favorite can only be one. One, which he keeps polishing such that it never loses its shine. His eyes full of admiration. Hair on my hands stands when I hear him say things like these. When he compares me with a nightingale, or something even beyond the definition of beauty, I lack words. Now I have stopped finding words for such allegory. 

He only wants a smile in return.

I have never seen love like this before. Is is for real?