Lost & Found

While travelling in metro, I see maximum girls (ladies coach) enjoying music via headset. Similar scene is observed in bus or while random walk too (I walk a lot).

I sat in the bus for college. Connected the headset to my phone and plugged them in my ears. Scrolling down (just to mention, my phone isn't a touchscreen/ qwerty. Hate complications) I think which song to play. "Lily Allen- Smile or Nelly Furtado-Say it right". After many such question, I played Homecoming- Kanye West. My head and ears starts enjoying. Then does the body while eyes still pop out of the window. What  would be my life without headset? Its like leaving body without soul. After 40-45 minutes, I reached college and tucked in the headset back in bag. The journey seem so simple with them.

Who knew that would be the last time I'd see them?

I lost them somewhere in college.

Music is a bliss

After one and a half year:

Me and Anjali sitting in bus seats (Trust me, life is a bliss when you get a seat to travel in our route) and she takes her headsets out (she knows I don't have those)- "Song"? she said searching for some good one in her touchscreen phone (Yes, I don't have that either). "Okay!", I said. "I guess this is a really long time after I'll be listening to songs via headset". She gave one end to me and said "hope you know how to use that" with a pure hint of sarcasm. "Naah! I was about to put them in my nose, really", I said hitting back with that sarcasm. We heard some songs by Maroon 5 and the journey ended within 3 songs. Its weird, when people are listening to music while travelling, they start counting distance with song lengths.

I reached home and for a second tried to remember my life with headsets (which lasted for only 6 months). I couldn't remember much. I couldn't even imagine myself with 'my own' headsets.

But I imagined myself travelling in metro while reading something. Or walking while embracing world around me. And having fun in bus while looking outside the window. While others enjoy 'music in their heads', I enjoy my own self as my eyes are much busier and doing much interesting job- the hand made colorful pots for selling on road, the kids hurrying to school, wind blowing and purifying mind & body, everything seems soothing and nice. I guess world is too beautiful and has to be admired rather than getting into the headset all the time and missing what lies outside the window. In the beginning, I felt boredom has struck me heavily until I realized the world just want me to notice what is around me. My dad went on asking me to get a new headset, but I resisted. Some time went, and I started learning to do something really productive instead of wasting time- studying/ sleeping/ playing games on phone (that sharpens mind skills) or just sit ideal sometime and relax the mind (when do we get the time for that?). Its all about utilizing the time and managing still not to ignore the beauty of world that surrounds us. 

This is my phone wallpaper.
Don't forget, Life is a pure bliss.

Even though I lost my headset, but I found myself! 

The Fireworks!

Even when I had missed all the fun of Ramleela earlier, I couldn't have missed this one when my dad asked me: 'Dusshehra chalna hai?' I dropped my books and with a big smile a yes! followed. Quickly we left for Dusshehra. After a really long speech by MLA's, dad imitating Ravan's laughter, few mismanagement and heart cracks (cos we couldn't see much where we sat), we left from the ground and stood near the parking area. We knew our major fascination is 'Ravan dehen'. After 20 more minutes of us getting bored, many people started coming towards the parking lot. After 10 more minutes, the part started which I dropped my studies for.

The moment when you forget the origin of studying.

The scenario started with endless fireworks one after the another in the black-blue sky making go people ooo and aaa. They burnt each and every kind of fireworks, many of which were new to us, maybe because we do not burn crackers (left this task 3-4 years back). Rockets of colors had colored the entire sky and with lights so magnificent had brightened up the sky for thousands of us to see with the fact that, it was all happening exactly overhead us. As if, each firework is opening like an huge umbrella over us, which intend to come down and vanish. Never have I seen crackers exactly over head. The heart beat fastened whenever they used to fall down a bit and then vanish. Mum got a step back, she must have thought its gonna fall down. That part never happened though. Experiencing 30 minutes of fireworks exactly over head, ravan dehen followed. Even though, they did a little mistake by burning ravan just after megnath, leaving kumbhkaran for the last, but that's okay! Each one had to be burned after all.

Death of corruption, inflation, poverty- thats how MLA's addressed it! 

Major attraction was kids crying and parents still forcing them to look, and they yelled a little more. Kids, by that I mean under 5 years, have sensitive ears. If they are taken to such events, make sure their ears are closed by cotton because they aren't afraid of the beautiful colors in the sky, but of the noise which hurts them. Do not make them miss a sparkling sky (30 minutes long), that too exactly over head.

God & Me & Science

The time with an essence of God's presence has come. When everyone feels Him around. At workplace, at home, at heart. The home seems nothing less than itself a temple. The main Hindu festival season has commenced.
Invites from friends for puja at home is a very common thing now. With jagrans going on always in someone's or other's place, the bhajans are still echoing in the head after hours. Colors of festivals, shopping, new clothes, crackers making the sky seem of some other color except blue-black (for a little while though) with a hint of winter coming in- just like some amazing recipe of my favorite food!
I, hear some good sound two days back around 9pm. I look out of the window, crackers were doing what they do best with the sky. I listen to some jagrans going on in neighboring society. I imagine my family watching Ramayana at Ramleela Maidan and eating something great from outside (when I was supposed to 'manage' and eat something at home). I imagine it all in pin-drop silence- at home- alone- studying. Tolerating the curse of what they call- The Science.
Humans love the blame game. But I couldn't blame it on God, for Science is not His' and He is not Science's.
Stuck at home for some stupid test, I could only blame myself. I felt alone, left out, awkward and weird. When the entire world around me is busy celebrating God's Birth and Wins (of Good over Evil), I was sitting and celebrating birth of Science- which took away my life in some sense; in every sense I could think of on that day.
With Diwali coming in, all I can think of are my exams, scheduled for only a few days after Diwali- One of the festivals I look up to the entire year.
I wish Science was never made. I wish God was a subject I was studying and focusing on.

Cursing the curse called Science

Anyways, wishes don't come true in Science. Facts does. And the fact is- I have to study to score well and forget everything which comes in between- even if its God (sadly).

Don't Hold Your Breath

Days seem like decades now. Nights dont pass. Mornings dont come. Time doesn't travel. Ears don't hear. Feelings not felt. Heart doesn't beat. Lips dont move. Eyes don't blink. World has stopped revolving. Winds have stopped blowing. Visions blurred.
Its been three weeks since they haven't talked. Complete three weeks. 21 days. 21 longest nights. 504 hours. Zillion times of looking over the phone. hoping the next text is from him.
Maybe he's left. Maybe he's moved on. Maybe he's found the way of living without her. Maybe he's happy.
She kept ignoring the feelings and soon became a core none could broke into. Being stronger than possible. Being strict to life, which has been terrible to her. Being harsh on herself. Being the meanest being to oneself. If by any chance, he pondered into her thoughts, thinking of all the worse he has done, trying pathetically to hate him.
Until that night came...
The night of awakening. That night of loneliness. That night of pain straight into the heart.
When someone is inserting a needle into the heart. When someone is hammering the broken bone again and again. When someone is stabbing your heart again and again. When someone is cutting the wound freshly made every now and then. The pain is intolerable. It makes you scream. Scream and ask 'that' someone to stop. To stop hurting you and go. But what if the one hurting you is 'you'? Painful it gets when the one who's stopping you to live is 'you'. That night was a night of pure realization and quintessential convulsion.
That night all she could focus on were his warm hands, even in chilled winters. All she remembered was his deep brown eyes gazing at her all the time. The indispensable hugs, the tight sleep in his lap, his cozy and comfortable shoulder. His harsh memories disappeared at the flash of the moment.
Life seemed colorful and pleasant again. Only in his lovely memories. She smiled that night to herself and slept into his lap of memories.

The next day, they met.

If one feels amazement with someone at a long drive. Loves to deep drown in someone's eyes at a sunset. Feels special with that special touch over a lunch. Life becomes complete sitting just alongside a lake with him. Scratch your knee again and again falling in love with the same person. Time just passes by like a wind. The world around becomes a haze when he kisses you. The chilled winters become summers with just a hug. Then don't think twice. Fall in love. Once again. And again. And again. Don't hold your breath.

"Anywhere I go, I can never stop loving him.
A piece of my heart will always live with and for him"

Its Aavika, with a double 'a'!

"What's you name again?" the teacher would usually ask.
"Aavika", said the little girl.
"Spell it for me?" was the teacher's next question.
"A-a-v-i-k-a", the girl continued.
"With a double 'a'?, teacher kept asking.
"Yes, mam with a double 'a'", the little girl said, now irritated.
"What does it mean?" the teacher just wont stop.
"Mam, it doesnt specifically mean something", The girl said looking around the class who was starring at her.
"Cant be. Why would your parents give you such a name?" the teacher was now too interested.
"Mam, I dont know", she said shrugging. When will she shut up and teach?
That happened with me when I was in 2nd standard, in 3rd, in 4th. Oh! wait, that happened with me in every class. The upper the classes got, more the teachers got fonder of knowing the meaning behind the name.
"Beta, there must be a meaning to it. Ask your parents", the sport teacher said while the class was going to the ground in 7th standard to the girl with two pony tails.
"Sir, there's none. I've asked them, its just a meaningless word", she said agitated.
It happens when someone asks you the same question all throughout your life and you still cant answer it. Even though you love the name.
"But why would they keep a name which has no meaning?" the coordinator asked in 12th standard.
"Mam, the researchers are still trying to find out. When the readings are ready, I will inform you", the girl said in a very serious tone. Followed by a laughter from both the ends.
Not only the teachers, even friends, friends of friends, friends of family also ask the name.
"Oh! the balika vadhu wali avika?" an uncle said once.
"No!!!", she said in a highly overrated itching tone. "No! thats single 'a', am double 'a'." She said.
The most hatred thing in the world is seeing the beautiful unique name wrongly pronounced or written.
I've been well equipped now of poking "its double 'a' " over and over again. Weird part is, someone who's known you since a long time, still doesn't know the spelling.
But, now I've figured it out- the meaning. I did it earlier than the researchers.

even though its tiny, but you can easily see Aavika all over. :)
these people define me.

Aavika- a beautiful acronym used for someone who is very pretty, beauty, short, smart, funny, friendly, interactive and humorous. There! I did it.
Ofcourse, I love the identity given to me by my parents with an extra 'a'. The extra 'a' which has brought some extra stars on me. I've always admired it. No matter how much teachers/friends would blame my parents for keeping a meaningless word (as they say) as my name- I would never mind. I know its very unique, its very beautiful, its very yellow and its very 'me'! 

The One Last Time

How do you feel when you know you are seeing that person for the last time? Ending it again & again, you know this is really the end? Its been such a long time since they met. Longer than that, they haven't talked. The messages, the calls, the feelings were all over.
It was raining terribly since the morning. They met, for no reason. Against all the hardships. Not at all for the sake of former love. The long drive followed in the rain. Casual talks about life. Nothing related to the relation they had. He held her hand for a while. She didnt mind. She couldnt really feel as before. His warm hands were really not that warm anymore. After all the fights, the sweet, tender emotions were all converted into anger, anguish and pain. Forgiveness was not the solution. She had moved a very long way. Longer than the sight he could see. Moving ahead in life was the only thing she wanted to do.
Sometimes people are too strong. Strong, that they let the life go on a long way. Pretend nothing happened. Pretend they never met that person. When that person comes in front, they act as if they never knew them. Its not such a piece of cake. She tried that as well and succeeded to a great extent. But once the person hold your hand, you get a flashback.
Time flashed again, for only a little while though. The memories were in little head again. The knee broke for a second again while falling in love with him. The hold went stronger, not only of hands but of heart too. The feelings were back. However, the brain knew it wouldnt last long. It was supposed to end. After enjoying the love for a little while, life was back to normal. Normal- that she was alone and without him. The pain was back again. After what all he did for her and she did for her, everything had to end. That was the last time they met.

At the end, there was only pain.

I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended so soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed..
In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry...

Have you ever felt the Rain?

Its been raining oddly since afternoon. Oddly in the sense of showering- sometimes high, sometimes low. The balcony has gone tinier since the upper neighbors got a shed. It has covered most of our balcony as well. I hate it. Only a portion of balcony now receives the proper rain.
In the partial region of my balcony which is blessed with rain, are a pair of twin plotted plants. Shrubs actually. They had shed all their leaves in heavy summers. Its been a month since am seeing them deprived of greenery. But now they do bear a few leaves. Maybe thats the beauty of it. There comes a time when you have to shed away all you have. And time comes when you'll get it all back- in a better, greener, fresher way. A new beginning.

I stood in the balcony with a new colorful umbrella, I like how the umbrella covers me. Rather, I like the sound of rain drops hitting it baldy, I know it wants to reach me. It hits each obstacle that comes in between us. More than that, I love the concentric circles each drops makes on the ground. Like the Earth becomes the kaleidoscope.

I didn't mind having the rain drop bless me and kept the umbrella back. Its an out of the world feeling when the rain hits you. That's one thing which you wont mind, no matter how hard it hits you, you don't wanna fight back. The park is empty of children, only the rain playing there. The swings are alone, only the wind swinging. Sometimes, its the Nature that you only need.
It reminds me of the faces of happy farmers. In India, rain is a blessing. Our entire agriculture is depending on it. However, in Europe its considered as a depressing period- the rainy season. Wonder why?
After a while spending in the rain, comes the goosebumps. Amazing.

Picture courtesy- Hardik Photography