Deep Thought

"A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he has done"
- Cardinal Newman

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Don't Hold Your Breath

Days seem like decades now. Nights dont pass. Mornings dont come. Time doesn't travel. Ears don't hear. Feelings not felt. Heart doesn't beat. Lips dont move. Eyes don't blink. World has stopped revolving. Winds have stopped blowing. Visions blurred.
Its been three weeks since they haven't talked. Complete three weeks. 21 days. 21 longest nights. 504 hours. Zillion times of looking over the phone. hoping the next text is from him.
Maybe he's left. Maybe he's moved on. Maybe he's found the way of living without her. Maybe he's happy.
She kept ignoring the feelings and soon became a core none could broke into. Being stronger than possible. Being strict to life, which has been terrible to her. Being harsh on herself. Being the meanest being to oneself. If by any chance, he pondered into her thoughts, thinking of all the worse he has done, trying pathetically to hate him.
Until that night came...
The night of awakening. That night of loneliness. That night of pain straight into the heart.
When someone is inserting a needle into the heart. When someone is hammering the broken bone again and again. When someone is stabbing your heart again and again. When someone is cutting the wound freshly made every now and then. The pain is intolerable. It makes you scream. Scream and ask 'that' someone to stop. To stop hurting you and go. But what if the one hurting you is 'you'? Painful it gets when the one who's stopping you to live is 'you'. That night was a night of pure realization and quintessential convulsion.
That night all she could focus on were his warm hands, even in chilled winters. All she remembered was his deep brown eyes gazing at her all the time. The indispensable hugs, the tight sleep in his lap, his cozy and comfortable shoulder. His harsh memories disappeared at the flash of the moment.
Life seemed colorful and pleasant again. Only in his lovely memories. She smiled that night to herself and slept into his lap of memories.

The next day, they met.

If one feels amazement with someone at a long drive. Loves to deep drown in someone's eyes at a sunset. Feels special with that special touch over a lunch. Life becomes complete sitting just alongside a lake with him. Scratch your knee again and again falling in love with the same person. Time just passes by like a wind. The world around becomes a haze when he kisses you. The chilled winters become summers with just a hug. Then don't think twice. Fall in love. Once again. And again. And again. Don't hold your breath.
"Anywhere I go, I can never stop loving him.
A piece of my heart will always live with and for him"