ठंडे पाओं

बारिश के पानी में
फिर ना जाने क्यू
हाथ गरम और
पाओं ठंडे पड़ गये
सोचा फिर कोई नया खेल चला है तुम्हारा
ठंडा गरम, गरम ठंडा
मुड़के देखा पीछे तो कोई था नही
बस कुछ पेरो के निशान
कुछ नरम सी आहटे
दो चार और थोड़ी बातें
बेवफाह तुम नही
पर यादें हैं तुम्हारी
मनचाही अपने मन की करती हैं
जब मन करता है आ जाती हैं
यूही उठकर चली जाती हैं
गढ़ी की टिक टिक
या बारिश की टिप टिप
दोनो तुम्हारे नाम हैं
फिर सीधे पाओं चली
देखा एक धुंधली सी आस है आगे कोई
आँखो का कोहरा है
या मन का विश्वास है
आगे चलने लगी तो पाया
पाओं फिर ठंडे पड़े और हाथ गरम
झूठ कहा था नही आ रहे
अब तो तुम्हारे झूठ सच से ज़्यादा मीठे लगने लगे हैं
खुश्बुओं से कितने महेकाओगे आशियाने को
अछा अब बस भी करो
ये बारिश भी तुम्हारी साजिश है ना
अब बस भी करो
और उस आस ने हाथ थाम लिया
फिर पाओं ठंडे पड़े और हाथ गरम
लेकिन इस बार बारिश को नही कोसा
क्यूंकी अब वजह थे तुम

kaho kya khayal hai...

Chalo baant le hum zindagi

zara aaj yu karle

kaho kya khayal hai.. 

wouldn't you accept it with open arms? 

My balcony is as spacious as I'd always wanted it to be. The plants fill up the void perfectly. And right in front I have a view of more plants who dance amazingly in rain. What a picture! 

What to do when something's off since last night? What to do when nobody's home? What to do when you've got none to talk to? What to do if its raining and all your plants are cancelled? 

Sitting on the jute chair near the entrance of balcony, looking at the rain, I ask myself this. The rain drops falling in a sequence, everywhere, on everything, for everyone just seems to have all answers. Humming beautiful songs, imagining nothing but rain, smiling for no reason, all lead to something grand- maybe utter state of happiness - a temporary happiness, a temporary madness, a temporary feeling, a temporary void, a temporary love, a temporary dream, a temporary desire, a temporary living, yet a permanent 'oneself'. Singing to oneself or maybe dedicating it to someone, who surely doesn't know am thinking of them in some corner of the world. Isnt it beautiful? Desiring with no desires? What feeling is it? Is it love? or just lust? 

But its not always a time to seek answers to all questions. Often its about finding solace within...

This beautiful song made me do it. 

sharing this link -

Kaho kya khayal hai- the dewarists

Hope it touches the string of your hearts, same as it did mine. 

Picture Credits- Epitome 

First Rain

A winter, an autumn have passed
Since I haven't seen you
Your hands that embraced
Your love that swept me
Are all counted in the bygone days

The heavy rain proves it
The leaves that fall, the shelter it breaks
Maybe you broke mine

But crippled flowers bloom again
Even after the heavy rain
Yes, its time to bid goodbye
To your memories I don't want to recognize

Look! the rain has come
Washing me ashore to a new land
Which doesn't have a magic you once had

After witnessing thousand showers with you; for you
This one is mine and only mine
My First Rain is here
It wants me to grow once more
Absolute, Determined

Thousand times...

A thousand times I have seen you
Spell bounded; breathtaking
Begetting beautiful thoughts in my mind
I see paradise

A thousand times I have felt you
Indeed; you are a nature's fancy
Mystery you remain to most of us
Capture me under your tyranny

A thousand times you have held me
Your warmth is all I see
Penetrating deep down my skin
Usher me in the heavens of all kind

A thousand times you have come to me
Crossing miles and miles
I yearn for you more;
stay with me all night

A thousand times I have tried
To tell the world what you mean to me
But words fail to describe
That... "You complete me"

Am keeping you Forever & for always

"Rain has its own share of magic".
Her mood usually goes with the weather and vice-versa. Cold breeze hits her white face and hair making them flow with its direction. The tiny rain drops starts hitting the red umbrella making a musical sound. She's alone standing under the umbrella where 'they' earlier were. Sometimes its only a walk in breezy rain that you need. It doesn't solve anything, it just gives you an awakening that it shall go on for some more time, just deal with it. She goes for a walk wearing brown rain boots. Street lights look so admiring like a beautiful pastel painting and so does the head lights of car. Her shadow follows her. When nothing is behind you to protect you from falling, there's a part of you for sure who never leaves. Leaves of trees collide with each other with the force of breeze, 'its a song of nature' they say. But it wasn't just an evening walk, she knew where she was going. It took 10 minutes to go the the highway by bus, but she preferred walking, for the nature insisted. After a long walk by time but short by mind, she reached near a tree with red & white strips painted on it. She bent over near a tiny heap of soil, kept her umbrella aside and started digging with bare hands. The rain went even lighter, as if letting the process go easy for her. Pictures started colliding in her head back to back- this is where they met by fluke, where they kissed for first time, where they parted ways, where she buried his last memories. What she was finding was surely a little deep inside, as if buried so with thought of never finding it again.
Some layers of soil and emotions later she found what she has left, found what she was looking for, for which rain went down- a silver heart pendant that her 'better-half' had given her. She removed all the soil over it, picked her umbrella and took a bus this time for she was tired of fighting emotions. She wanted to get back home as early as possible. Back home, the pendant was kept near a frame which had 'their' photo together. Its not really easy to move on from something, especially if a piece of you won't let you do so. "Even if I will never see you or talk to you, I will always keep a part of you with me", she said holding that pendant.

Have you ever felt the Rain?

Its been raining oddly since afternoon. Oddly in the sense of showering- sometimes high, sometimes low. The balcony has gone tinier since the upper neighbors got a shed. It has covered most of our balcony as well. I hate it. Only a portion of balcony now receives the proper rain.
In the partial region of my balcony which is blessed with rain, are a pair of twin plotted plants. Shrubs actually. They had shed all their leaves in heavy summers. Its been a month since am seeing them deprived of greenery. But now they do bear a few leaves. Maybe thats the beauty of it. There comes a time when you have to shed away all you have. And time comes when you'll get it all back- in a better, greener, fresher way. A new beginning.

I stood in the balcony with a new colorful umbrella, I like how the umbrella covers me. Rather, I like the sound of rain drops hitting it baldy, I know it wants to reach me. It hits each obstacle that comes in between us. More than that, I love the concentric circles each drops makes on the ground. Like the Earth becomes the kaleidoscope.

I didn't mind having the rain drop bless me and kept the umbrella back. Its an out of the world feeling when the rain hits you. That's one thing which you wont mind, no matter how hard it hits you, you don't wanna fight back. The park is empty of children, only the rain playing there. The swings are alone, only the wind swinging. Sometimes, its the Nature that you only need.
It reminds me of the faces of happy farmers. In India, rain is a blessing. Our entire agriculture is depending on it. However, in Europe its considered as a depressing period- the rainy season. Wonder why?
After a while spending in the rain, comes the goosebumps. Amazing.

Picture courtesy- Hardik Photography

Rain Rain Come Again!

Rain Rain come again!
and never ever go again!
The two(only) lines of a childhood poem I remember which am humming since yesterday's eternal rain! The downpour of heaven. A gift of sky to earth. A reason to smile to millions.
It rained all throughout Delhi! Am sure all farmers would have been happy. Am sure many children had enjoyed. Am sure many couples had a long drive or a long hand in hand walk or maybe an amazing kiss under the spell of nature. Am sure it brought blessings to all!

For they cannot be caged :)

A part of which could be seen in my central park. So, there was supposed to be a little function for someone who bought a new house in my society (we were invited over dinner). The read & white tent which people were busy putting up since morning was all in water. Mud flowing in all sides of it. Children swinging and running. Driving boats in the tiny so called ponds created everywhere. After a while, mothers came into the scene and took away their little ones. I only kept my slippers in heavy rain. Of course starting monsoon is not fit to dive in! I left it on slippers only. Mumma as always kept all her potted plants in the rain. And so we enjoyed the scene of a destroying tent, screaming mums and running children.
It ended at 7pm or so. I went out. Lovely weather it was! Yellow lighter sky at the horizon meeting dark blue heaven a little higher. Clear sky with no clouds. As if all obstacles were washed away. The street lamps looked even brilliant. I walked those roads speaking of how amazing mother nature is. Bought a chocolate and had fun with me & nature. Later that evening, somehow they arranged dinner in some corner, although the tent was all gone hopeless. It was a beautiful evening. Lastly, again:
Rain Rain come again!
and never ever go again!

And it was all yellow!

Picture Courtesy- Hardik Photography

A cup of caffeine?

I poured the Nescafe coffee powder into the grinder with two spoons sugar. Followed by two spoons of water. After grinding, poured 1/4th cup of milk into it. After some labor (by the grinder), I saw the cream made up. Into the milk already boiling, I fully transferred the ingredients of the grinder. Just after a short time interval of five-six minutes, hot cappuccino was ready!

As soon as I gulped down the first sip from the yellow coffee mug with black stripes, I saw the pre-rain whether. 

Three of my little friends of society playing in the park in rain made me smile at them. Laugh as one of them falls down. I, just standing at the entrance of balcony, gulping down my favorite liquor, watch as the rain increases its fury.

The smell of rain, of wet soil mixes with the aroma of caffeine. The voice of rain, so pure, collides with the sound of me gulping down my coffee- The only thing that I can prepare on my own.

My friends playing in the park now rush back home as the eerie of rain takes its spin. I, watch it grow. I watch the trees dance, in the light of moon.

How filled with glory the world is. How beautiful the life is. I've never been so over-the-brim with happiness stored in, than at now. I've never been filled with goodness, than at now. After quite a long time, I am filled with some positive charges.

The coffee is halved now.

I remember how worse the last two months were. Working as a beaver, unwell, people in need forming distances and the heartbreak warfare around. 

Just the right time the song plays at the back of my mind. The song I not only give an ear to, but donate all my senses to, like at least one hundred times a day. How lovely the lyrics are. The best line: "I dont care if we dont sleep at all tonight, lets just fix this whole thing down". A bizarre song Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer.

Followed by Your Body Is A Wonderland.

 It has happened to me, at the end, when no one understands you, these world re-known artists does. As if, each line they are singing is for you. Each word is for your happiness, remorse,  guilt... everything.

Only two more sips left.. I gulped down one. 

Glancing at my life, everything is back on track now. A few remorse, but people have accepted me this way. Forgiven me and made me forget the bad days. One such person ready to give off everything. Just to make my everything back on track. And friends, no matter what, will jump into the deepest of the ocean and drag me back. Some are life supporters, some are life givers, some life donors. The life is yet, more to be explored. More friends to be made. I exhaled a heavy breath -"Its over, the bad time is really over."

The last sip of coffee passed down my throat.

The cup of caffeine is the celebration of friendship & love. The rain is the celebration of life.

Here's the link to both the songs... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5EnGwXV_Pg&ob=av2e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeCClzNCfcA&ob=av2e

Semblance

Yesterday. I, returning back home after an assiduous day at college. On my way back through the metro, I started singing, all of a sudden. "Who says I cant get stoned, turn off the lights and the telephone. Me in my house alone, who says I cant get stoned?". 

I almost forgot the last time I'd sung this song. So cozy to me, it lends me a huge amount of peace, when am with me. Yes, when am with me. I do not consider myself alone, when am not with anyone else. I still have the best companion: me. Then happens the another song, "hey there delilah, what's there like in New York city, am a thousand miles away but tonight you look so pretty, yes you do. Times Square cant shine as bright as you, I swear that's true". Thats a complete deja vu. I remember the last time I'd sung this was at same situation, in a rikshaw, with just me, at around 7 pm. Half night, half day. Seems like am having a Semblance with my old self.  The mirage continued followed by few drops of rain. Alas, it rains again. It reminds me more of the past now. There are always songs that are miss matched with any others. I continue singing, that leads the rikshaw wala entertained actually. Singing " am going home", is my favorite hobby. No matter how irritated the people around me are getting. No matter how many times I have sung it, I'll still carry out my job. I switched to hindi now. "Thade rahiyo, o pake-yaar re.. thade rahiyo". For having learnt semi classical a long time back, I never get bored of singing it over and over again. Followed by, "piya tose naina lagi re.. naina lage re.. jane kya ho ab aage re.. naina laage re". I imagined the gracefullest Waheeda Rehman dancing.
The rikshaw ride comes to an end with my destination just across the road. I walked in those dew drops.
Singing.
There are still a million songs, which I'll never ever get irked of. Will keep listening to them. Still agitating the people around me. Being covetous. No matter how many times am poked.
The list also consists of:
Banna Banni (a famous traditional Rajasthani Song)
Chalte Chalte yuhi koi mil gaya tha
Pal pal dil ke paas
Bade acche lagte hain (indeed, it got its recognition back with the arrival of the tv serial, which I love)
The hardest part :Coldplay
Talk: Coldplay
Someone like you: Adele
Mehfuz hu: Euphoria
These are the songs which have been dedicated to me. Either by people, or by myself to me.

It rained again today, and the same cassette of songs plays at the back of my mind as I danced my feet off.

Rainy Love

She texts him, "Its raining".
He texts back, "Yes, it is :)".
She replies, "Love you".
He replies back, "Love you too :)".

She imagined him smiling with each of his smilies he'd send her. The smile that could kill all. The smile that reaches his eyes. The smile that calms her soul.
Her imagination takes another leap forward. Feeling his warmth around was her desire.. always.
She goes outside. Feels the rain with her eyes. Takes another step. The drops fall on her skin penetrating into the bottom of her being. Filling her with vivacity. He sees her standing just ten steps away from him. Waiting to grasp her in rain. She takes nine steps, stops at tenth. He, waiting for the tenth step of her's. She analysed him in rain. For, it was their first rain together. They've been together since the end of winters, but brewing up in rains was their first chance ever. Something that they both have been waiting for a long time by now. She watched his hair wet. His hands wet. All freshened up by nature. His eyes seeming glittery. She couldn't resist longer. They both held hands. She felt his hands, still warm in rain.
She drowned into his eyes. "Take me away", she said in a monotonous tone. A tone only he could hear. He smiled. His everlasting smile. They walked out of the people's eyes. Both holding hands, walked in rain. A long walk. All her desires were coming true one by one. He took her to some abandoned place. They entered the park- her favorite venue with him. Nobody around in this heavy rain. They sat on the bench under the tree. Still holding hands tightly. She staring at his hands, touching his fingers, tickling him- her favorite play. He kept looking at her, her presence soothes his eyes, playing around with her flicks- his favorite play. Another dream of her's, now a reality. Rain drenched them heavily. She leaned her head over his shoulder. The only most peaceful place for her.
No word was uttered. None. Their presence speaks it all. The smile pronounces their feelings.
"Look into my eyes", he said. She glanced at him. Took her eyes away withing a few seconds or so for she couldn't deluge much into his eyes. His beautiful eyes would always make her blush. His mystical eyes would always stare at her without a single blink. The already existing romance adorns up more. The moment comes when they had their first kiss in the rain. Eyes shut. The feelings unperturbed. The Love indispensable. Her final dream came true. He smiled again. She blushed again. His still warm hands touched her pink lips.
"I Love you", he said.

She just nodded for she had no words to express what she felt for him. He understood and smiled. The smile that makes her alive, makes her life beautiful. They sat there till the rain ended. But it was another phase of Love that started.
The rain filled them with vivacity.

And it rains..

Am so glad, finally the bestest of the best season has started : The Monsoon. "The Delhi Monsoon". As lovely as it can be. Today, at around 3:30 pm, I witnessed the God's best creation again. One creation that I never stop enjoying, that never makes me get bored out of it, that never stops stealing my senses & heart. Yes, the rains.

Having missed three last rains cos of my sleeping modes all time (it's holidays and one shall never find me doing anything other than sleeping, trust me), I just had to catch this one.

And the weather takes a twirl. The best thing about rain is it gets followed by winds, strong winds sometimes.

The same wind blows my hair. The leaves starts dancing, the flowers starts singing and the swings (in the front park) starts swinging without any help (actually with wind's help). Its the best picture I have ever witnessed. God's himself an artist, I must say. I look up towards the beautiful blue-cum-orange sky as it smiles at me. I pass a smile back. And so, its first drop kiss my forehead. The second fell on my nose, it tickles. The third one kiss my lips. It reminds me of my first kiss I had in the childhood. Indeed yes, a kiss by nature to me.

Alas! It starts. Followed by a roar of the candy floss shaped clouds. The roar, more stronger than the lion. I start catching as many drops dripping over me as I can with my arms open, hands ready to aggregate them all. It grew stronger and I had a thought of going back inside. Until, the wind blows stronger into my ear. Seems like the wind talks to me, "don't go", it speaks. "Spend some more time here, like you did during your childhood", it continued. I smiled back and stood there. Stood there as a little girl ready to dance off her feet. Stood there as a little girl ready to sing in melody with the cloud's roar. Stood there as a little girl with all remembrances of childhood. Stood there as a little girl with no worries and sorrows. 

Some people remember their past lives or good times in rain. Some people like to cry in rain, as the tears become invisible. Some people imagine themselves with their lovers, holding hands and walking in the rain. I do not do any of these. I just get affixed to me, to my childlikeness, to my beautiful infant dreams, to the most innocent little girl I ever met - "me".

I can dance alone in the rains, I need no companion. The rain is my partner in each form of dance. I have driven bicycles with rain, fallen in mud (draped all over with that), jumped into frog's ponds, caught many earthworms, destroyed ant's houses (yes, I did that), bathed even wearing my party dress and just made hairstyle, for the occasion in next five minutes (I had to find an alternative to the dress resulting in my delay at my own family function), made paper boats, kept all the buckets and containers in order to do rain water harvesting (was taught in fifth standard), literally tried to kiss the rain, sat on the inverted umbrella and drifted on the water logged in the society during heavy rains (I got childed for breaking mum's favorite lily-flowery umbrella). I have done that all. All in childhood. I wonder why I don't do any of it now. Why am I so lost in my daily routines, situations, with people, sometimes even lost myself. Why am I so doomed? 

None-the-less, I look around. Well, my mother enjoys rain in her own style. She starts keeping the chappals in the rain, the plastic container, inverts the buckets, and a plastic pipe (dripped in mud of plant pots), so that her burden of washing them away could be lessened. She looks at me, and I couldn't resist my laugh at her. "What? The rain is doing it for me", she says. I laugh more. And she even laughs with me, while she pushes the plant pots (usually kept inside the home or under the shed of the balcony) into the open side, so that the rain directly falls onto them. Smart women! 

The rains has stopped now. Even though, I am not enjoying the rains as I used to do during my infantile days. 

Over and above, the rain still holds an alike slot as it did during yesteryears.

 My companion since babyhood. My first love with whom I had my first kiss. My inspiration.

Have you ever thought what designation rains play in your lives?