Deep Thought

"A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he has done"
- Cardinal Newman

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Lost & Found

While travelling in metro, I see maximum girls (ladies coach) enjoying music via headset. Similar scene is observed in bus or while random walk too (I walk a lot).

I sat in the bus for college. Connected the headset to my phone and plugged them in my ears. Scrolling down (just to mention, my phone isn't a touchscreen/ qwerty. Hate complications) I think which song to play. "Lily Allen- Smile or Nelly Furtado-Say it right". After many such question, I played Homecoming- Kanye West. My head and ears starts enjoying. Then does the body while eyes still pop out of the window. What  would be my life without headset? Its like leaving body without soul. After 40-45 minutes, I reached college and tucked in the headset back in bag. The journey seem so simple with them.
Who knew that would be the last time I'd see them?
I lost them somewhere in college.
Music is a bliss

After one and a half year:
Me and Anjali sitting in bus seats (Trust me, life is a bliss when you get a seat to travel in our route) and she takes her headsets out (she knows I don't have those)- "Song"? she said searching for some good one in her touchscreen phone (Yes, I don't have that either). "Okay!", I said. "I guess this is a really long time after I'll be listening to songs via headset". She gave one end to me and said "hope you know how to use that" with a pure hint of sarcasm. "Naah! I was about to put them in my nose, really", I said hitting back with that sarcasm. We heard some songs by Maroon 5 and the journey ended within 3 songs. Its weird, when people are listening to music while travelling, they start counting distance with song lengths.
I reached home and for a second tried to remember my life with headsets (which lasted for only 6 months). I couldn't remember much. I couldn't even imagine myself with 'my own' headsets.

But I imagined myself travelling in metro while reading something. Or walking while embracing world around me. And having fun in bus while looking outside the window. While others enjoy 'music in their heads', I enjoy my own self as my eyes are much busier and doing much interesting job- the hand made colorful pots for selling on road, the kids hurrying to school, wind blowing and purifying mind & body, everything seems soothing and nice. I guess world is too beautiful and has to be admired rather than getting into the headset all the time and missing what lies outside the window. In the beginning, I felt boredom has struck me heavily until I realized the world just want me to notice what is around me. My dad went on asking me to get a new headset, but I resisted. Some time went, and I started learning to do something really productive instead of wasting time- studying/ sleeping/ playing games on phone (that sharpens mind skills) or just sit ideal sometime and relax the mind (when do we get the time for that?). Its all about utilizing the time and managing still not to ignore the beauty of world that surrounds us. 
This is my phone wallpaper.
Don't forget, Life is a pure bliss.
Even though I lost my headset, but I found myself! 

Friday, October 26, 2012

The Fireworks!

Even when I had missed all the fun of Ramleela earlier, I couldn't have missed this one when my dad asked me: 'Dusshehra chalna hai?' I dropped my books and with a big smile a yes! followed. Quickly we left for Dusshehra. After a really long speech by MLA's, dad imitating Ravan's laughter, few mismanagement and heart cracks (cos we couldn't see much where we sat), we left from the ground and stood near the parking area. We knew our major fascination is 'Ravan dehen'. After 20 more minutes of us getting bored, many people started coming towards the parking lot. After 10 more minutes, the part started which I dropped my studies for.
The moment when you forget the origin of studying.
The scenario started with endless fireworks one after the another in the black-blue sky making go people ooo and aaa. They burnt each and every kind of fireworks, many of which were new to us, maybe because we do not burn crackers (left this task 3-4 years back). Rockets of colors had colored the entire sky and with lights so magnificent had brightened up the sky for thousands of us to see with the fact that, it was all happening exactly overhead us. As if, each firework is opening like an huge umbrella over us, which intend to come down and vanish. Never have I seen crackers exactly over head. The heart beat fastened whenever they used to fall down a bit and then vanish. Mum got a step back, she must have thought its gonna fall down. That part never happened though. Experiencing 30 minutes of fireworks exactly over head, ravan dehen followed. Even though, they did a little mistake by burning ravan just after megnath, leaving kumbhkaran for the last, but that's okay! Each one had to be burned after all.

Death of corruption, inflation, poverty- thats how MLA's addressed it! 
Major attraction was kids crying and parents still forcing them to look, and they yelled a little more. Kids, by that I mean under 5 years, have sensitive ears. If they are taken to such events, make sure their ears are closed by cotton because they aren't afraid of the beautiful colors in the sky, but of the noise which hurts them. Do not make them miss a sparkling sky (30 minutes long), that too exactly over head.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

God & Me & Science

The time with an essence of God's presence has come. When everyone feels Him around. At workplace, at home, at heart. The home seems nothing less than itself a temple. The main Hindu festival season has commenced.
Invites from friends for puja at home is a very common thing now. With jagrans going on always in someone's or other's place, the bhajans are still echoing in the head after hours. Colors of festivals, shopping, new clothes, crackers making the sky seem of some other color except blue-black (for a little while though) with a hint of winter coming in- just like some amazing recipe of my favorite food!
I, hear some good sound two days back around 9pm. I look out of the window, crackers were doing what they do best with the sky. I listen to some jagrans going on in neighboring society. I imagine my family watching Ramayana at Ramleela Maidan and eating something great from outside (when I was supposed to 'manage' and eat something at home). I imagine it all in pin-drop silence- at home- alone- studying. Tolerating the curse of what they call- The Science.
Humans love the blame game. But I couldn't blame it on God, for Science is not His' and He is not Science's.
Stuck at home for some stupid test, I could only blame myself. I felt alone, left out, awkward and weird. When the entire world around me is busy celebrating God's Birth and Wins (of Good over Evil), I was sitting and celebrating birth of Science- which took away my life in some sense; in every sense I could think of on that day.
With Diwali coming in, all I can think of are my exams, scheduled for only a few days after Diwali- One of the festivals I look up to the entire year.
I wish Science was never made. I wish God was a subject I was studying and focusing on.
Cursing the curse called Science
Anyways, wishes don't come true in Science. Facts does. And the fact is- I have to study to score well and forget everything which comes in between- even if its God (sadly).

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Don't Hold Your Breath

Days seem like decades now. Nights dont pass. Mornings dont come. Time doesn't travel. Ears don't hear. Feelings not felt. Heart doesn't beat. Lips dont move. Eyes don't blink. World has stopped revolving. Winds have stopped blowing. Visions blurred.
Its been three weeks since they haven't talked. Complete three weeks. 21 days. 21 longest nights. 504 hours. Zillion times of looking over the phone. hoping the next text is from him.
Maybe he's left. Maybe he's moved on. Maybe he's found the way of living without her. Maybe he's happy.
She kept ignoring the feelings and soon became a core none could broke into. Being stronger than possible. Being strict to life, which has been terrible to her. Being harsh on herself. Being the meanest being to oneself. If by any chance, he pondered into her thoughts, thinking of all the worse he has done, trying pathetically to hate him.
Until that night came...
The night of awakening. That night of loneliness. That night of pain straight into the heart.
When someone is inserting a needle into the heart. When someone is hammering the broken bone again and again. When someone is stabbing your heart again and again. When someone is cutting the wound freshly made every now and then. The pain is intolerable. It makes you scream. Scream and ask 'that' someone to stop. To stop hurting you and go. But what if the one hurting you is 'you'? Painful it gets when the one who's stopping you to live is 'you'. That night was a night of pure realization and quintessential convulsion.
That night all she could focus on were his warm hands, even in chilled winters. All she remembered was his deep brown eyes gazing at her all the time. The indispensable hugs, the tight sleep in his lap, his cozy and comfortable shoulder. His harsh memories disappeared at the flash of the moment.
Life seemed colorful and pleasant again. Only in his lovely memories. She smiled that night to herself and slept into his lap of memories.

The next day, they met.

If one feels amazement with someone at a long drive. Loves to deep drown in someone's eyes at a sunset. Feels special with that special touch over a lunch. Life becomes complete sitting just alongside a lake with him. Scratch your knee again and again falling in love with the same person. Time just passes by like a wind. The world around becomes a haze when he kisses you. The chilled winters become summers with just a hug. Then don't think twice. Fall in love. Once again. And again. And again. Don't hold your breath.
"Anywhere I go, I can never stop loving him.
A piece of my heart will always live with and for him"