Deep Thought

"A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he has done"
- Cardinal Newman

Friday, December 28, 2012

Paramour for Nature

Happy days, sad days, gloomy days, lazy days, enjoying days, tiring days, stressful days, celebration days, fun days and all kinds of days come and pass me by, at which sometimes, I love to look back, with hatred or with a smile on my face.
Apart from this, I have always felt a void in my days, something lacking. We all need someone who would love us back, love us even more than what we offer and of course, asking nothing in return except our presence. Such cellophane attitude cannot be apprehended from humans who continue always look for some favors in return or alongside of our love. 
I bereft a cherished, darling, endearing. I beggared a pet since my imagination took off its first flight. Here are a few strands of my imagination which are buried deep within my heart, yet insatiable of pure love:

How about a dog?


I woke up one winter morning with red polka dotted pajamas on, wondering where did my orange-cum-green jute slippers go. Without stressing my mind with absence of slippers, I saw my dog, Bubbles chewing them. Bubbles is a female lazy Saint Bernard puppy with brown patches on her white soft fur, who sleeps most of the times and loves to sit on my feet, at remaining times. I fell in love with her at the adoption site at an NGO. We usually go out for long drives and I allow her to sit at front seat with her light pink tongue floating out of window in direction of wind. Bubbles is a pure vegetarian like me and sticks around with me all the time. Being a girl, she listens to me patiently and never leaks my secrets to anyone. She likes colorful clothes and caps, we usually match on every detailing of wearings. Sitting by lake on a green portion of grass , under our favorite Mahagony green tree on weekends is our favorite thing to do. She always sits near the doormat waiting for me with eyes glued at the stairs that lead to our first floor home.
Bubbles, a lazy Saint Bernard.

Or a turtle?

Chloe is a female Star Turtle, a month old when I got it from an aquarium shop very near from a metro station. Chloe is a happy-go-lucky soul and a very articulate one too. Always residing in her glass & wooden box kept right above my book shelf and right next to the window, she has just enough sunlight coming in from window to provide her with vitamin-D for her healthy bones. I have set up two table lamps to give her enough warmth, a little tub of water where she daily enjoys her bath and two-three plant pots which in summers, I replace with flower pots too (which she loves to eat). Chloe is a pure vegetarian like me and enjoys only lettuce & spinach unlike me. At night, I detail her with aces of my day, after which she goes off to sleep.
That's how Chloe likes it in her natural aura. 

Pet isn't something which is put in cage and seized its freedom. Pet is adored, cared for, dearest, idolized, well-liked, precious and very close to heart. You only give it food to eat, shelter to stay in, babyish time and it gives you its heart & soul. For all those lucky people who have a pet, be it a bird, a dog, a cat, a rabbit or anything, continue to love your animals as family. And as for me, I can only hope & imagine I integrate my life and acquire the missing puzzle piece, soon.  

Saturday, December 15, 2012

A token of Thanks

Two years back I initiated writing via this amazing blogspot, with ordinary skills and not much exposure. I never had much combat when it comes to professionalism in writing until I realized its only putting yourself in front of the mirror and celebrating the mirage of life. Keeping aside sophistication and maturity, I gave it a try only with immaturity and Love which my heart beheld for bringing a dream into reality- my own blog. I ensured going ahead only to have fun and get rid of melancholy of life. The blog stood aloof having the best, the good, the bad, the worse moments with a hint of all feelings- ecstasy, excitement, gloomy, care, majorly Love and mainly what we call-Life.
Here I readily enjoy overlooking 80 posts I have written and rejoice that I have grown, not as a writer much, but as a person. I hereby have made a gratitude list in accordance with the events that occur:

  • I must thank Saumya Di, for introducing me to the world of blogging for not only giving me a collar but also for giving me the base to stand upon when I needed it. Without her, I wouldn't have started it in turn. Her way of writing, still remains an inspiration to me: http://www.nascentemissions.com/
  • My heart is filled with gratitude to the technological world. Though I can never understand how it works, but it does. I must convey my thanks to blogspot.com for giving a perfect platform to everyone without any chauvinism between professionalism and immaturity and also for giving me amazing gadgets to use anytime.
  • I am filled with gratitude to my computer for sure, without any grievances it has been a provision for me to write. My every post has been written only on my computer. 
  • I am grateful to Hardik Gaurav, my only perfect, reliable photographer I have known since the college life began. Each of his picture is a beauty which soothes the eyes and charms the heart. Most of my pictures used on blog come from him. Thanks Hardik for being an avid reader too. His page on facebook is a must to visit: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hardik-Photography/215147545184751?ref=ts&fref=ts
  • Next person I must thank is Jagpreet who I dont know how but always manages to leave me with a comment and deliver a smile on my face. 
  • Love you Samvita, you have been an inspiration behind many of my posts which come out as beautifully as you & me are together. With all my heart I thank Nitti and Anjali, who have successively been spreading a word about my blog wherever and to whoever possible since a long time and managed to bring me more avid readers.
  • I must convey my Thanks to Himanshu, you've just put this bug me in for trying long sentences. Some day, I promise to touch your expectations. 
  • There's always some mood-related music going on at the background when I am trying to paint the world with my words. Thanks to music, no doubt which pushes me enough to keep writing.
  • I thank Nature, Humanity, for bringing me enough beautiful creations to write upon. 
  • I thank God for how He has made me. For I can feel Love, happiness, pain, grief, friendship and everything which become my way of writing post to post.
  • I am humbled to have many readers who get inspired by my posts and discuss things with me when we meet. Varuna, I owe you for this one.
  • A great bouquet of thanks to so many ardent readers my stats show outside India as well. God knows what regularly pulls you all towards my blog, but it makes me happy and arouse me to write more & more. Cheers to all 80 posts, wonderful followers and so many blog views I happen to get whenever I open my blog. 

To all the people who have made this blog what it is today :) Thank you! 

Friday, December 14, 2012

Oo! The Moonwalk!

I simply start sipping my coffee, mocha it was as I restlessly think about her- one I've known since a long time cos she keeps residing her life to me and I give her my diligent mind. Coffee starts it all right?
I humbly present myself to her as she starts her story with a realistic blow and slowly her each word forms a picture in my mind, unfolding a splendid romance. 
I imagine her having a coffee with the man she wants to get indulged in entity of love with. She initiates and I began to realize how much she feels excruciating of how feelings mold among them, instead of hauling I forced her to go forth. It hit me how hard it is to fall in love with someone. Harder it is to make him fall in love with you. Hardest to come out if he doesn't. I witnessed her footings by allocating myself at her stance at every second. It entangled me for a long time, until I was awestruck by a feeling bottom-lined- Patience.
Sometimes, its all about taking a foot backward and feeling the earthen blessing of nature- Love. 

Appears hard enough when you have clearly stepped a lot at front, going retrograde would feel getting immature unless given a shot. She approved on above skin but could not penetrate deep within. I kept trying.   Isnt it beautiful when you get what you need the most? How hard would you try for it? How mad would you become for it? To what extent would you go for it? What if going reverse is the only way? "As like learning to walk again"?, she argued. "How can you try something you already did long back? How can you fill a cup which already is full?", she continued with agony. "What if the one you want to walk with is still learning to walk? Would you not give him a hand and walk beside?", I said placidly. Muteness followed for some while and then a smile came across- smile of acceptance. After all, its worth a gamble when it comes to Love. 

Thats when she left the confession chair. 

Saturday, November 24, 2012

The Conversations

Mr. and Mrs. Singh are a happy-go-lucky couple who have been together since decades. Their children are off-set and married and they live together. "Alone"? I asked. "We aren't alone beta, we are together", Mr. Singh says while looking at Mrs. Singh. And smiled at each other.
Mr. Singh used to jog, but not anymore, Doctor has advised him not to run much; jittery he's a heart patient. I see them usually walking together in the morning.  Mr. & Mrs. Singh are not like any random aged couple, who remain shush all the time- Irritated and make others irritate. They are more of a chit-chat who laugh a lot, remain and make people happy.
Mr. & Mrs. Singh were "arranged" to fall in love. The way they look at each other, smile, laugh is a real calm moment. They do gardening together at their little balcony where they can also be seen mostly seen sipping tea. I guess Mr. Singh sips more tea than Mrs. Singh, along with some home-made biscuits his wife prepares.
They have a son and a daughter, both married and happy. I guess the son lives outside India.
"Don't you miss your children", I asked with a pity face.
"Of course we do, but we are still happy. They have settled, they do visit quite often. Believe me or not, I like it now as I get to spend more time with my wife", he said teasingly as Mrs. Singh pours water in bird bowl, smirking. A funny couple they are. They manage to go for combined tours with other long-time-gone-old couple friends of theirs and send pictures to their children via internet. Mrs. Singh is learning computers currently from a young female girl dropping by on alternative days for an hour daily. Some guy used to come earlier to teach but Mr. Singh refused.
"You see she's still so beautiful. I don't want some man to come and flirt around", he said angrily.
"And the man was even younger than our own son Singh Sahab", she said pointing.
"Huh!", he grinned.
Terrace breakfast is a common site while friends coming for dinner is a rare one. Mr. Singh lately adopted a dog, which he wanted since ages; his daughter was allergic so he compromised.
"Its a nice time", he said looking at his dog.
"Seems like we've gone back to childhood. I don't have to think anymore what people will think, what our children will. I no longer have to satisfy and fulfill our children's need. The pension is enough to live a few more years until we can", he said. And Mrs. Singh slapped his head from back.
I don't think they get intimate. They are quite old for that. They just converse. Conversations last forever. Each relation is based on what you talk and how you talk. Even if intimacy would bring people together, it'll remain permanent. Talks about anything & everything with equal share from both bring people close, bonding them in a bond that lasts till the end of the world. Surely, it takes one lifetime to know a person. One must utilize as much time as possible to remain adhered.
Don't we all want to end up like Mr. & Mrs. Singh?
And they lived Happily ever after...

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Illuminating Lights

May every bit of us awakes by diwali diyas
I woke up late today, being a little occupied with cough and cold. The work was already started until I opened my eyes to the day of Diwali. Mum was already painting huge trays in which the candles were supposed to float by evening after puja. Lights are all set in balcony. Only left with preparations by now. Being girls, my mother expects a lot from me and my sister that we might help her with many things. Of course we do try, but before we start, she finishes up things. Even though today I can say quite easily to everything - I am ill, but I wont. I'll feel detached from the festival.
Anyway, puja will began in evening and by then we have loads of work to be done. Decorating not just the house inside, but outside as well. Have to go a little far to buy floating candles because the Delhi Police have strangled all the carts which are outside the market- terror! Next, have to go to friends' and give them gifts which I got for them a week ago (I have this habit of getting gifts a week and sometimes a month ago for any celebration day). Next preparations for puja which takes at least an hour (when everyone is doing some bits of work). Not to forget, the rangoli- which this time we are thinking of very simple one as the ones who make it every year (me and sister) have exams from next week and rangoli takes atleast 2-3 hours at a stretch. Have to get the cells for digicam as well (they went off lately).And then after a long puja, have to start lightening the diyas. Diays all around the house, especially in corners, to ensure every corner is set ablaze. Diyas outside the house too, to ensure God feels welcomed to our house. Diyas which takes away all the darkness not only from outside, but from within the very souls.

The mind, the body, the soul is lightened this day. Make most of it.
Alright then, have to leave for the decoration work, don't want my mum to do it all (cos I wanna be a part of it too). Have fun all of you! Enjoy the festival with more of sweets, flowers, rangoli, decorations, diyas, candles and less of crackers (I guess we all have done our most part at Dussehra too with the fireworks).
Happy Diwali!!!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The Passion. The Obsession. The Addiction.

American Actress, singer, model, a poet and a major sex symbol. With her portraits and statues held all over the country, she is residing in people's heart & mind. The moment one sees her, its a magic that is spread all over the atmosphere. The aura is so strong that one gets completely mesmerized by her performance. With voice so subtle, with eyes so deep, with soul so pure. Everything, yet a touch of feminism. Most of the time, I watch her old interviews on youtube. Crowned by the actual term- Diva, which came first by her. Her pictures are even more alluring; many naked though. She gave many interviews naked as well. But people couldn't resits staring at her beautiful and natural face rather than genitals. 
Completely fascinated by her, I don't wish I was a man. I don't care. She makes me go crazy and barmy over her childish nature. A beauty personified. Yet, she suffered an ugly life. Abandoned by parents. Grew up at an orphanage. Posed naked to earn money for living. Divorced thrice. Longed for true love.

"If you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

- one of her famous quotes



"I know I belonged to the public and to the world.
Not because I was talented or even beautiful,
but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else."

- the women with ambitions, desires and love- only for her fans




As shiny as a snowflake in a snowy mountain range. As bright as a rainbow surrounding the waterfall.  Like a mystic dream of a girl asleep. Like a soft scent of rose. As soothing as sun in winters.
She died 50 years ago- Marilyn Monroe. Love of millions. Admiration of millions. Celebration for millions. Truth for millions. Dream for millions. Inspiration for millions. Goddess of Beauty for all. 


We all should start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. And so are regrets

The outside world want me to Glamour. My fans want me to Glamour. I wont let them down

It was believed that Marilyn had IQ higher than Einstein
Hollywood is a place where they pay thousand dollars for a kiss and  a few cents for your soul

Am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not a devil. I am just a small girl  in a big world
trying to find someone to love


62 feet high statue at Chicago
the cover of recent 65th Cannes festival celebrating her birthday 
A sex symbol becomes a thing. I hate being a thing
Boys think that girls are like books. If the cover doesn't catch their eye
they wont bother to look what's inside.
Still alive in hearts of all.


Her voice is really like what Snow White's would have been.
Love you Marilyn. Wherever you are. Always 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Lost & Found

While travelling in metro, I see maximum girls (ladies coach) enjoying music via headset. Similar scene is observed in bus or while random walk too (I walk a lot).

I sat in the bus for college. Connected the headset to my phone and plugged them in my ears. Scrolling down (just to mention, my phone isn't a touchscreen/ qwerty. Hate complications) I think which song to play. "Lily Allen- Smile or Nelly Furtado-Say it right". After many such question, I played Homecoming- Kanye West. My head and ears starts enjoying. Then does the body while eyes still pop out of the window. What  would be my life without headset? Its like leaving body without soul. After 40-45 minutes, I reached college and tucked in the headset back in bag. The journey seem so simple with them.
Who knew that would be the last time I'd see them?
I lost them somewhere in college.
Music is a bliss

After one and a half year:
Me and Anjali sitting in bus seats (Trust me, life is a bliss when you get a seat to travel in our route) and she takes her headsets out (she knows I don't have those)- "Song"? she said searching for some good one in her touchscreen phone (Yes, I don't have that either). "Okay!", I said. "I guess this is a really long time after I'll be listening to songs via headset". She gave one end to me and said "hope you know how to use that" with a pure hint of sarcasm. "Naah! I was about to put them in my nose, really", I said hitting back with that sarcasm. We heard some songs by Maroon 5 and the journey ended within 3 songs. Its weird, when people are listening to music while travelling, they start counting distance with song lengths.
I reached home and for a second tried to remember my life with headsets (which lasted for only 6 months). I couldn't remember much. I couldn't even imagine myself with 'my own' headsets.

But I imagined myself travelling in metro while reading something. Or walking while embracing world around me. And having fun in bus while looking outside the window. While others enjoy 'music in their heads', I enjoy my own self as my eyes are much busier and doing much interesting job- the hand made colorful pots for selling on road, the kids hurrying to school, wind blowing and purifying mind & body, everything seems soothing and nice. I guess world is too beautiful and has to be admired rather than getting into the headset all the time and missing what lies outside the window. In the beginning, I felt boredom has struck me heavily until I realized the world just want me to notice what is around me. My dad went on asking me to get a new headset, but I resisted. Some time went, and I started learning to do something really productive instead of wasting time- studying/ sleeping/ playing games on phone (that sharpens mind skills) or just sit ideal sometime and relax the mind (when do we get the time for that?). Its all about utilizing the time and managing still not to ignore the beauty of world that surrounds us. 
This is my phone wallpaper.
Don't forget, Life is a pure bliss.
Even though I lost my headset, but I found myself! 

Friday, October 26, 2012

The Fireworks!

Even when I had missed all the fun of Ramleela earlier, I couldn't have missed this one when my dad asked me: 'Dusshehra chalna hai?' I dropped my books and with a big smile a yes! followed. Quickly we left for Dusshehra. After a really long speech by MLA's, dad imitating Ravan's laughter, few mismanagement and heart cracks (cos we couldn't see much where we sat), we left from the ground and stood near the parking area. We knew our major fascination is 'Ravan dehen'. After 20 more minutes of us getting bored, many people started coming towards the parking lot. After 10 more minutes, the part started which I dropped my studies for.
The moment when you forget the origin of studying.
The scenario started with endless fireworks one after the another in the black-blue sky making go people ooo and aaa. They burnt each and every kind of fireworks, many of which were new to us, maybe because we do not burn crackers (left this task 3-4 years back). Rockets of colors had colored the entire sky and with lights so magnificent had brightened up the sky for thousands of us to see with the fact that, it was all happening exactly overhead us. As if, each firework is opening like an huge umbrella over us, which intend to come down and vanish. Never have I seen crackers exactly over head. The heart beat fastened whenever they used to fall down a bit and then vanish. Mum got a step back, she must have thought its gonna fall down. That part never happened though. Experiencing 30 minutes of fireworks exactly over head, ravan dehen followed. Even though, they did a little mistake by burning ravan just after megnath, leaving kumbhkaran for the last, but that's okay! Each one had to be burned after all.

Death of corruption, inflation, poverty- thats how MLA's addressed it! 
Major attraction was kids crying and parents still forcing them to look, and they yelled a little more. Kids, by that I mean under 5 years, have sensitive ears. If they are taken to such events, make sure their ears are closed by cotton because they aren't afraid of the beautiful colors in the sky, but of the noise which hurts them. Do not make them miss a sparkling sky (30 minutes long), that too exactly over head.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

God & Me & Science

The time with an essence of God's presence has come. When everyone feels Him around. At workplace, at home, at heart. The home seems nothing less than itself a temple. The main Hindu festival season has commenced.
Invites from friends for puja at home is a very common thing now. With jagrans going on always in someone's or other's place, the bhajans are still echoing in the head after hours. Colors of festivals, shopping, new clothes, crackers making the sky seem of some other color except blue-black (for a little while though) with a hint of winter coming in- just like some amazing recipe of my favorite food!
I, hear some good sound two days back around 9pm. I look out of the window, crackers were doing what they do best with the sky. I listen to some jagrans going on in neighboring society. I imagine my family watching Ramayana at Ramleela Maidan and eating something great from outside (when I was supposed to 'manage' and eat something at home). I imagine it all in pin-drop silence- at home- alone- studying. Tolerating the curse of what they call- The Science.
Humans love the blame game. But I couldn't blame it on God, for Science is not His' and He is not Science's.
Stuck at home for some stupid test, I could only blame myself. I felt alone, left out, awkward and weird. When the entire world around me is busy celebrating God's Birth and Wins (of Good over Evil), I was sitting and celebrating birth of Science- which took away my life in some sense; in every sense I could think of on that day.
With Diwali coming in, all I can think of are my exams, scheduled for only a few days after Diwali- One of the festivals I look up to the entire year.
I wish Science was never made. I wish God was a subject I was studying and focusing on.
Cursing the curse called Science
Anyways, wishes don't come true in Science. Facts does. And the fact is- I have to study to score well and forget everything which comes in between- even if its God (sadly).

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Don't Hold Your Breath

Days seem like decades now. Nights dont pass. Mornings dont come. Time doesn't travel. Ears don't hear. Feelings not felt. Heart doesn't beat. Lips dont move. Eyes don't blink. World has stopped revolving. Winds have stopped blowing. Visions blurred.
Its been three weeks since they haven't talked. Complete three weeks. 21 days. 21 longest nights. 504 hours. Zillion times of looking over the phone. hoping the next text is from him.
Maybe he's left. Maybe he's moved on. Maybe he's found the way of living without her. Maybe he's happy.
She kept ignoring the feelings and soon became a core none could broke into. Being stronger than possible. Being strict to life, which has been terrible to her. Being harsh on herself. Being the meanest being to oneself. If by any chance, he pondered into her thoughts, thinking of all the worse he has done, trying pathetically to hate him.
Until that night came...
The night of awakening. That night of loneliness. That night of pain straight into the heart.
When someone is inserting a needle into the heart. When someone is hammering the broken bone again and again. When someone is stabbing your heart again and again. When someone is cutting the wound freshly made every now and then. The pain is intolerable. It makes you scream. Scream and ask 'that' someone to stop. To stop hurting you and go. But what if the one hurting you is 'you'? Painful it gets when the one who's stopping you to live is 'you'. That night was a night of pure realization and quintessential convulsion.
That night all she could focus on were his warm hands, even in chilled winters. All she remembered was his deep brown eyes gazing at her all the time. The indispensable hugs, the tight sleep in his lap, his cozy and comfortable shoulder. His harsh memories disappeared at the flash of the moment.
Life seemed colorful and pleasant again. Only in his lovely memories. She smiled that night to herself and slept into his lap of memories.

The next day, they met.

If one feels amazement with someone at a long drive. Loves to deep drown in someone's eyes at a sunset. Feels special with that special touch over a lunch. Life becomes complete sitting just alongside a lake with him. Scratch your knee again and again falling in love with the same person. Time just passes by like a wind. The world around becomes a haze when he kisses you. The chilled winters become summers with just a hug. Then don't think twice. Fall in love. Once again. And again. And again. Don't hold your breath.
"Anywhere I go, I can never stop loving him.
A piece of my heart will always live with and for him"

Friday, September 14, 2012

Its Aavika, with a double 'a'!

"What's you name again?" the teacher would usually ask.
"Aavika", said the little girl.
"Spell it for me?" was the teacher's next question.
"A-a-v-i-k-a", the girl continued.
"With a double 'a'?, teacher kept asking.
"Yes, mam with a double 'a'", the little girl said, now irritated.
"What does it mean?" the teacher just wont stop.
"Mam, it doesnt specifically mean something", The girl said looking around the class who was starring at her.
"Cant be. Why would your parents give you such a name?" the teacher was now too interested.
"Mam, I dont know", she said shrugging. When will she shut up and teach?
That happened with me when I was in 2nd standard, in 3rd, in 4th. Oh! wait, that happened with me in every class. The upper the classes got, more the teachers got fonder of knowing the meaning behind the name.
"Beta, there must be a meaning to it. Ask your parents", the sport teacher said while the class was going to the ground in 7th standard to the girl with two pony tails.
"Sir, there's none. I've asked them, its just a meaningless word", she said agitated.
It happens when someone asks you the same question all throughout your life and you still cant answer it. Even though you love the name.
"But why would they keep a name which has no meaning?" the coordinator asked in 12th standard.
"Mam, the researchers are still trying to find out. When the readings are ready, I will inform you", the girl said in a very serious tone. Followed by a laughter from both the ends.
Not only the teachers, even friends, friends of friends, friends of family also ask the name.
"Oh! the balika vadhu wali avika?" an uncle said once.
"No!!!", she said in a highly overrated itching tone. "No! thats single 'a', am double 'a'." She said.
The most hatred thing in the world is seeing the beautiful unique name wrongly pronounced or written.
I've been well equipped now of poking "its double 'a' " over and over again. Weird part is, someone who's known you since a long time, still doesn't know the spelling.
But, now I've figured it out- the meaning. I did it earlier than the researchers.
even though its tiny, but you can easily see Aavika all over. :)
these people define me.
Aavika- a beautiful acronym used for someone who is very pretty, beauty, short, smart, funny, friendly, interactive and humorous. There! I did it.
Ofcourse, I love the identity given to me by my parents with an extra 'a'. The extra 'a' which has brought some extra stars on me. I've always admired it. No matter how much teachers/friends would blame my parents for keeping a meaningless word (as they say) as my name- I would never mind. I know its very unique, its very beautiful, its very yellow and its very 'me'! 

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The One Last Time

How do you feel when you know you are seeing that person for the last time? Ending it again & again, you know this is really the end? Its been such a long time since they met. Longer than that, they haven't talked. The messages, the calls, the feelings were all over.
It was raining terribly since the morning. They met, for no reason. Against all the hardships. Not at all for the sake of former love. The long drive followed in the rain. Casual talks about life. Nothing related to the relation they had. He held her hand for a while. She didnt mind. She couldnt really feel as before. His warm hands were really not that warm anymore. After all the fights, the sweet, tender emotions were all converted into anger, anguish and pain. Forgiveness was not the solution. She had moved a very long way. Longer than the sight he could see. Moving ahead in life was the only thing she wanted to do.
Sometimes people are too strong. Strong, that they let the life go on a long way. Pretend nothing happened. Pretend they never met that person. When that person comes in front, they act as if they never knew them. Its not such a piece of cake. She tried that as well and succeeded to a great extent. But once the person hold your hand, you get a flashback.
Time flashed again, for only a little while though. The memories were in little head again. The knee broke for a second again while falling in love with him. The hold went stronger, not only of hands but of heart too. The feelings were back. However, the brain knew it wouldnt last long. It was supposed to end. After enjoying the love for a little while, life was back to normal. Normal- that she was alone and without him. The pain was back again. After what all he did for her and she did for her, everything had to end. That was the last time they met.
At the end, there was only pain.


I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended so soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed..
In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry...

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Have you ever felt the Rain?

Its been raining oddly since afternoon. Oddly in the sense of showering- sometimes high, sometimes low. The balcony has gone tinier since the upper neighbors got a shed. It has covered most of our balcony as well. I hate it. Only a portion of balcony now receives the proper rain.
In the partial region of my balcony which is blessed with rain, are a pair of twin plotted plants. Shrubs actually. They had shed all their leaves in heavy summers. Its been a month since am seeing them deprived of greenery. But now they do bear a few leaves. Maybe thats the beauty of it. There comes a time when you have to shed away all you have. And time comes when you'll get it all back- in a better, greener, fresher way. A new beginning.

I stood in the balcony with a new colorful umbrella, I like how the umbrella covers me. Rather, I like the sound of rain drops hitting it baldy, I know it wants to reach me. It hits each obstacle that comes in between us. More than that, I love the concentric circles each drops makes on the ground. Like the Earth becomes the kaleidoscope.

I didn't mind having the rain drop bless me and kept the umbrella back. Its an out of the world feeling when the rain hits you. That's one thing which you wont mind, no matter how hard it hits you, you don't wanna fight back. The park is empty of children, only the rain playing there. The swings are alone, only the wind swinging. Sometimes, its the Nature that you only need.
It reminds me of the faces of happy farmers. In India, rain is a blessing. Our entire agriculture is depending on it. However, in Europe its considered as a depressing period- the rainy season. Wonder why?
After a while spending in the rain, comes the goosebumps. Amazing.

Picture courtesy- Hardik Photography

Saturday, August 4, 2012

You can stand under my Umbrella

Mine is just a simple yet cute umbrella. Sea green in color and light black polka dots, a three folds one. I love it. Not to forget the little green laces at the border. Its very sober. Its very me. I carry it with me every now and then. Its always in my bag.
You'll see a little girl in yellow top and a green umbrella in a sunny day, that's me.
Or you'll see a little girl in blue top and same umbrella, that's me again.
Its three folding makes me more efficient to stay in the bag. Yes, I can no doubt exaggerate my umbrella for a long long time.
Recently my dad bought me a new one. It has 5 colored stripes, yellow, blue, green, red, pink but its not three folded. None-the-less, its just like what a kinder garden girl would have. I carry it around quite often too. A few people hate it, more than a few people love it.
The umbrella has memories for me. Usually or unusually it rains and my friend comes under it. Both fighting for it and yet both get wet from right and left half sides respectively. Or maybe an over sunny day too, friends would come under it again.
To the market, to the college, to the shopping, to the zoo, to the movies, to a friend's place- my green umbrella stays close to me. I keep it safe in my bag cos it keeps me safe too.
No, this is not something that I have.
But something I admire a lot.
So, above was a little post dedicated to my umbrella which sticks with me in the gloomy, heavy rains or in the harsh sunny day. It protects me when I need it most. Saves me and suffers it all.
The song which comes into my mind right now:


You have my heart 
And we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines
But you'll still be my star


Baby cos in the dark
You cant see shiny cars
And thats when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because.. 


When the sun shine we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out till the end


Now thats its raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella



Even though I know all have watched it many times, but still, this video is never gonna run off the track:
Rihanna- Umbrella!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

The Last First Day

Its 2012 now. The last session at college has kicked off. Freshers coming in new wonderful dresses which I know I would never wear at college. Me being in something very regular. I stand at the lobby waiting for someone. The same someone who's been there with me since two years. Till then I stare at people- nothing better I could have done. The walls seem so old yet so new to me. The noises the crowd make makes me feel so related. The person entered the lobby. We went straight to the class. Science- cant help it. The break came, we went to the canteen. Not much people around, but thats how we like it. The canteen seemed a bit renovated though. We preferred to sit outside. Under the shed. And so the talks started. The normal talks. We dont really need more friends. We know we are sufficient for each other. All of a sudden, we started remembering the previous two years- of college, of fun, of friendship, of shopping, of bunking, of fights, of togetherness. We means me & Vartika.
I must admit, this is our best picture ever.
College life has been so full with her, only her. We went into deep thoughts and suddenly it started raining.
"My first Delhi rain of this session", she said
"Of course", I said.
We saw the rain dancing with slow and fast steps. We saw people running back to classes.
"Dont worry, I have my umbrella", I said.
She smiled.
The rain dripping in through the leaking canteen sheds- on us, on food. We didnt bother.
"I just wish we have a plain, simple, tension free year", I said.
"Me too", she said.
 Somewhere deep down we knew the beginning of ending has started. Its gonna be the last year at college. It was the last first day at college of constant classes.
A long silence followed. 

Friday, July 20, 2012

Kahin duur jab din dhal jaye

Kahin duur jab din dhal jaye
saanjh ki dulhan badan churaye
chupke se aaye
My one of the favorites of Rajesh Khanna. We all remember that song. Sung somewhere, heard somewhere, kept in heart somewhere.
I saw my dad's wet eyes as Rajesh Khanna passed away. He was his favorite actor. His' was the first movie my dad watched at cinema when he cleared 10th exams- in 2 and a half rupees- Haathi mere saathi. O! we all have seen it.
The career took a toll. He had fame, love, money and what not. Just a few movies and he was on cloud 9. Elevated with persona. 15 hit blockbuster movies came one after another in only 3 consecutive years. He worked 14 hours a day, daily. 
Ye shaam mastani
Madhosh kiye jaye
Mujhe dor koi kheenche
teri or liye jaye
A romance brewed up the screen with him and Asha. More films came in and he made a beautiful romantic image. Female fans wrote letters with their own blood to him and kiss his car when he passed by. His car had lipstick stains all over. They would marry his pictures and throw dupattas on ground so that his feet wont touch the ground.  3 female fans even cut their write out for him during a movie release. His fate was written now- by his own hands- A superstar was born. 
Karwate badalte rahe
Saari raat hum
Aap ki kasam.
And then with Mumtaz- a B grade actress. He gave 8 back to back hit films with her which made her an A-grade actress.
Mere sapno ki raani kab aayegi tu
aayi rut mastani kab aayegi tu.. 
He gave over 160 films. But the major turn was when he was asked to do a Angry young man role. He declined. And so it was given to Amitabh Bachchan who had already given several flops- he accepted. Time changed. We saw Rajesh Khanna vanishing off the screens but not our hearts. Everything changed.
None-the-less he kept his similar nature all throughout his life full of romance, tragedies, memorables and forgetables. On 17th June 2012 he was discharged from hospital. We thought he's fine and so he is home. Eventually, doctors could no longer treat him and sent him home to have his last breath. He never made a public announcement of his liver cancer. We never knew! True as he said in his movie Anand- 'nahi nahi babumoshaye, hum apna gum nahi baattein, yaha thode selfish hain hum'. Zindagi kaisi hai paheli haye Kabhi toh hansaye Kabhi ye rulaye...
His body was taken in a truck decorated with white roses with a huge picture of his' from Anand at the front. A glass coffin was his last carriage. 
His last words- "Time to pack up".
The greatest, simple, down to earth, very ordinary yet extra ordinary, superb actor passed away two days back. A great loss to humanity. I know he was the first ever Superstar but more than that, he was the a great human. His last ad we have of him: Havells. 
"Mere fan mujhse koi nahi cheen sakta".
RIP Rajesh Khanna. You will be remembered as long as cinema lasts. 

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Lets all be Captain Planet!

Lately, I went to sabji mandi with my dad. I drove the car which was a happy thing. And then we walked into the Friday market with a huge vegetable bag that everyone has. He only took me to carry things, as I dont have any buying-the-vegetable experience. My dad bought tomatoes, my heart sank a little. He bought cucumber and lady fingers, my heart sank a little more. Tomatoes, spinach, green peas, eggplants, mangoes and many more green varieties followed with more and more sinking of heart. Each vegetable came with polythene. Each accumulated more polythene in the bag we had. I wonder why did we carry the bag when we had to pick polythene? So time came to buy onions & potatoes, I simply asked him to keep them in the bag without the polythene.
My dad explained: these vegetables will get squashed in some corner if not kept separated from each other in different polythene.
I drove back. In that 10 minutes journey to home, all I was thinking was some way it could be replaced or lessened at least. It didn't hurt me that all were doing the same. It hurt me cos I was doing something wrong.

Home back, these were the techniques crossed my mind which can be done easily and wisely. For the planet:
eat the chips but dont throw the wrapper.

^ We can re-use the polythene. If each vegetable is so delicate and fragile, we can take the same polythene each time we go to sabji mandi and ask the vendor to put them in our polythene and not use another one. Its easy.
^Kitchen waste is something which cant be get ridden off. The egg shells, the cut-out vegetables, the bread, milk packets etc. We always need a polythene to throw away this stuff right? Not exactly. Follow this: Cut the upper portion of milk, bread, cereal, pulses packets. They'll become like an open packet which can be used to throw away kitchen stuff. If the packet becomes small, cut out more. Am sure we all bring in milk or bread packets almost daily. (Even lays, kurkure, bingo packets would do).
and it becomes a bag! if your kitchen waste is more, cut out more.
do the same with pulses, cereals, tea, bread packets. 
^And of course, wise saving of electricity: Keep at least 2 hours of time when the entire family sits in one room. For us, its daytime. We often sleep in one room in day time. Saving maximum amount of electricity. Not to forget, as much it creates bonds with nature, it does within the family as well.

Share these simple ways of avoiding polythene and using electricity wisely. Use & reuse. :) Lets move one step towards a cleaner & greener planet!
looks amazing na?!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Rain Rain Come Again!

Rain Rain come again!
and never ever go again!
The two(only) lines of a childhood poem I remember which am humming since yesterday's eternal rain! The downpour of heaven. A gift of sky to earth. A reason to smile to millions.
It rained all throughout Delhi! Am sure all farmers would have been happy. Am sure many children had enjoyed. Am sure many couples had a long drive or a long hand in hand walk or maybe an amazing kiss under the spell of nature. Am sure it brought blessings to all!
For they cannot be caged :)
A part of which could be seen in my central park. So, there was supposed to be a little function for someone who bought a new house in my society (we were invited over dinner). The read & white tent which people were busy putting up since morning was all in water. Mud flowing in all sides of it. Children swinging and running. Driving boats in the tiny so called ponds created everywhere. After a while, mothers came into the scene and took away their little ones. I only kept my slippers in heavy rain. Of course starting monsoon is not fit to dive in! I left it on slippers only. Mumma as always kept all her potted plants in the rain. And so we enjoyed the scene of a destroying tent, screaming mums and running children.
It ended at 7pm or so. I went out. Lovely weather it was! Yellow lighter sky at the horizon meeting dark blue heaven a little higher. Clear sky with no clouds. As if all obstacles were washed away. The street lamps looked even brilliant. I walked those roads speaking of how amazing mother nature is. Bought a chocolate and had fun with me & nature. Later that evening, somehow they arranged dinner in some corner, although the tent was all gone hopeless. It was a beautiful evening. Lastly, again:
Rain Rain come again!
and never ever go again!
And it was all yellow!
Picture Courtesy- Hardik Photography

Monday, July 2, 2012

The singular form at Paradise


Its been 7 days straight. Never has it happened to me. 7 days without talking to him. 7 days without calling him. 7 days without meeting him. 7 days of no late night calls. 7 days of not being 'together' with him. 7 days of not being in a 'relation'. 7 days of being- SINGLE.
Never has it also happened to me. 7 days of elation. 7 days of exquisite pleasure. 7 days of high cheer. 7 days of limitless glee. 7 days living on 7th heaven. 7 days of no pain and guilt. 7 days of optimism. 7 days of laughter. 7 days of euphoria. 7 days of peace of mind. 7 days in 'LOVE' with me.
Since a long time, I had never been single. As in, always been in a relation. Devoted to the lover. Devoted to his work, his calls, his this and his that. Never had I known, Love can be with oneself too. The selfless love. Surely, if you want someone to love you, you should be deeply, madly, truly in love with yourself. The elation and enchantment follows.
The phone now usually hangs in some corner of the world. I dont get regular calls or messages, I dont charge my phone, the battery is barely used. I dont sit around wondering what is he doing now & then. I dont need to swim into the ocean of sadness now. I just have to run on the green grass of laughter. I dont usually step out of house to meet him, I sit on the sofa and eat popcorn and watch movies. I dont have to think too much of every fight we used to have. I have learned to wisely chuck things out. I have witnessed change in me. I am a happy being.
 Life is too complicated and miseries itself sometimes that it gets even painful wandering off sorrow from another's. I have given a chance to myself. Life is too colorful if you wish. Its too magical if you wish. Its too elated if you wish. Its too bright and sun shining if you wish. Its too yellow if you wish. But only if you wish. Surely, you dont need someone else all the time to bring you joy. It comes from the heart. From one's own heart.
These 7 days of Love with myself were no doubt the best in years. I had an immense fun. I love myself. All the time I look into the mirror wondering how pretty I am and feel like kissing myself. This is where I belong. This is PARADISE.