दीवारें

झुक रही हैं दीवारें शायद थोड़ी
सहारा देने के लिए।
घंटो इन दीवारों को घूरा है मैंने
कुछ धब्बे हैं शायद सीलन के,
कुछ निशान हैं पुराने पेंट के,
कुछ तो गड्ढे भी हैं शायद
कही कील ठोकने के।
एक घडी है जो पौने आठ पे अटकी है,
खिड़की है जो रात में अँधेरा सोक लेती है,
ऊपर एक उंगाता सा पंखा
गर्मियों के इंतज़ार में रुका पड़ा है।

समझ रही हैं शायद वो भी
सुन्न पड़ा है सब
और सर्दियों के अँधेरे में
जम रहा है सब।
आँखें अँधेरे में बुन रही हैं,
वही तस्सवुर का जाल
जो टूट जायेगा सुभह
रौशनी की पहली किरण के साथ।

इसिलिये झुक रही हैं दीवारें शायद थोड़ी
सहारा देने के लिए।

A year of dormancy

6th November 2014 to 6th November 2015

A year has passed
of dormant emotions lying in the sheets
of unknown perplexity.
Opening and closing of closures
and of deeds never achieved.

A year has passed
of escaping from and sometimes running into
the darkness or the light
of another feeling flying
in the vast grasslands under the sky.

A year has passed
of never really writing
of writing and hiding
of sharing the writing
then wondering why did I share.

A year has passed
Upholding in my gut
changing with the world
letting go of certain things
and still adamant on some.

A year has passed
I know none of you
I know some of you
I live in the paper boat
Floating over the chances of knowing you.

A year has passes
my ink has dried
turned from black to grey
like the thoughts that I hid
somewhere in my chest.

A year has passed
I rely on myself
the world is a silly place I tell you
at the end, for yourself
Its only you.

A year has passed
I see some faces brimming up repeatedly
I can depend on them
They feed my irregular thoughts
I wish one was mine in those.

A year has passed
of accepting the fact that
I am not impeccable, I am deniable
I am not a rear view mirror
I am not closer than I appear.

A year has passed
Finally figuring this out
'This' is me
Trying to achieve the dreams
which are stupid to others.

A year has passed
from where I was
to where I am
supposedly where I will be
in another year from now,

would you wait to see?

Picture Courtesy - Hardik Photography

'A year of dormancy' is written just one year after my last post on my blog. My blog which was once so crucial to me, which I nurtured like my own little one, doesnt even exist for me now, unfortunately. I grew indifferent to my will for writing. I wrote in hidden crevices and denied sharing. I was quite the opposite a year back. I certainly come in those people who prefer saying 'I wrote for you', instead of 'I felt for you'.
This post is out of anger and disappointment with respect to the fact that I left writing. Or writing left me...........Or perhaps it never did.

Dastak

Photo by Neel Kamal Pandey

us jang lagey taale ke peeche

malbey jaisi deewaro ke peeche

main shor hu ya sannata hu

main roshni hu ya andhera hu

tu de dastak, main batata hu

main teri hi kahani hu

kuch yaado ke jaale simte hain

halki dhoop ke mele hain

main ateet hu ya aagaami hu

main mohobbat hu ya nafrat hu

tu de dastak, main batata hu

main teri hi ruswaai hu

tujhe khurechi hui deewarein milengi

tujhe do nahi, kai parchaiyaa milengi

main kuch toote dilo ka raag hu

main ankaha koi fasana hu

tu de dastak, main batata hu

main teri roohani shaam hu

par ek darwaza hai kahi chupa hua

jaha tere jaisa koi hai band pada

main teri aas hu

main tera gumaan hu

tu de dastak, main batata hu

main tujh jaiso ko uksati lagaam hu

You dont know me

You dont know me.

I'd stand in front of the crossbow

i'd bleed for you.

My hands wont shiver

and words will be over.

You dont know me.

I'd drown in the ocean for you

Yes, I know swimming though.

Weightless body will float

while it awaits for your boat.

You dont know me.

I walk the barren lands
unknown to any man.
Would you come to the rescue?
when you hear I am dead?

You dont know me.

Look at me with the corner of your eyes,
I'll burn with your single sight.
My flesh flying like burning paper
covering the entire sky.

Dont you know me?
Dont you know me by now?



Picture courtesy- Hardik Photography

Feels right

Bathing in the sulking tides
of whats wrong and whats right
I make the sins come true
Believe me, its real.

Bathing in the lush wild dreams
who thought they could exist
the body moves and lures
it feels so wrong.

Bathing in the starless night
the moon is shining so bright
The world whispers its wrong
You say its right.

Bathing in your acute thoughts
It is so wrong, yet feels so right
The confusions stay
I take a leap moving on.

Bathing in the dusty past
Am doing wrong,
am doing right
I am doing you,
for tonight.

Consume Me

Consume Me
Like the rain would
Consume the soil
Dont leave any trail

Consume me
Like the wind would
Consume the sky
Dont let the Sun shine

Consume me
Like the weeds would
Consume a dead body
Cover me bit by bit

And then mold me
Like a potter would
Mold a vase
out of nothing new

And then mold me
Forgetting my older body
create a new one
From your own hands

And then mold me
Despite many errors
I'll give you countless chances
Let me be discovered

And then mold me
In such a way
that you would love to
consume me
again & again

Let me be your song

Let me be your song
which you sing to the stars
when you are alone at night
or walking during day time

Let me be your song
Which you can sing to the birds
which at my window, once chirped
they left my paradise for your heaven

Let me be your song
which can open up your doors
of opportunities and love abound

Let me be your song
which you will hum to yourself
in monotonous tone when
you are amongst your friends

Let me be your song
which you can sing to the nature
when it soaks you in monsoon
or sweats you in summers

Let me be your song
which can be played when you
wait for your loved one
on your wedding day at the church

Let me be your song
your voice will give it beauty
Removing all your pains
Magical, Your life remains

Let me be your song, dear love
which you can lull to your kids
somewhere in future
Even when am dead

Let me be your song
which you can change the rhythm of
but the words will always remain the same

And I hope this is written on my tombstone that;
I was sung by the best soul all throughout his life
With each verse you gave me blessings
Making our each memory engrave on the aurora sky

Picture Courtesy- Hardik Photgraphy

A Wine Glass

Its my red soul you know

which has been kissed my many

and it will be like this

for one more eternity

I'll get older and wise

i am called the heaven's angel

taking them to the hell's doors

All I want is my red wine

to be mixed with a tear of yours

The red color might slowly disappear

The kisses on my body of glass

will fade away

its just one tear away

dilli

yaha akele hoke bhi koi akela nahi
aur kisi ke saath hoke bhi koi akela hi
yaha imaaraton mein ishq gunjata hai
aur ishq ki goonj mein imaratein basti hain
yaha kisi ke saath sinjoye sapne udaan bhar le jate hain
aur kahi gumnaan raasto ke sapne kahi kho jate hain
yaha umeed ki fankaar duur tak sunai de jaye
aur kabhi haar ka bhi tyohaar manaya jaye
yaha ghalib ki galiyon mein pyaar panapta hai
aur hazrat auliya ke dargah mein namaaz goonj uthti hain
yaha begum samru ke ghar mein bank basta hai
aur wahi kahi ishq ka nyota kisi ke kaano mein kasta hai
yaha raatein aaj bhi zinda hain kothe ki seedhiyon pe
aur andhero mein koi nadi kinaare aaj bhi deep jala jata hai
yaha naya purana sab raas rachta hai
aur rango ke aanchal mein muhobbato ka junoon sajta hai
yaha baarisho ka mijaaz shabdo mein bayan nahi hota
aur sard aahton ki kampan aag ki sulkhiyo mein dabi reh jati hain
yaha subhah aur raat ka dayra kisi ko samajh nahi aata
aur beparvaah pyaar ke parvaano ko koi samajh nahi pata

ye raag hai, ye deewanagi hai
ye dilli hai




Picture Courtesy- Hardik Photography

Dormiveglia

The 4.30 am namaz  hits the ears, luckily the mosque is almost behind my home. Its funny though, I didn't understand the man's words yet the voice completely soothes the soul. 

Yesterday. No, night. Yesternight? 

Eyes wide open. Brain shut. Heart beating. Body frozen. Thoughts warm. Skin pale. Nails growing. Clock ticking. Breaths heard. Silence unheard. Pen scribbling. Foot walking. Conscious Dreams. Unconscious mind. Wind crawling. Leaves moving. Window open. Thin clothes. Thick socks. Unwashed sweatshirt. Hair tied.

 And then you invade.

Hazel eyes. Mind dreaming. Skin soft. Body warm. Whispering talks. Wind blows. Your face shows. Firm thoughts. Lights dim. Scent crawls. Aura seeps. Clock rewinds. Summers bloom. Soul talks. Murmur plans. Astounding heart. Breath collides.

Slowly the morning arrives, beautiful hues of orange or maybe yellow, fighting the black aura of night with zest. Each ray awakes each green soul. My night is losing the fight. And I, just look helplessly crawling into the bed which smells like you.

The namaz is over. As if sealing the union of two souls. 

Beginning of an End 2013 #OctPoWriMo day 31

I see the end of this year

Which I have been awaiting for

Things which have gone wrong

Which I will make right next year

Met a lot of new people

I wish they stay forever

Just, this phase irks me

where I have been stuck 

Next year I see me

standing on a mountain top

living my dreams

surviving against the odds

When new leaves will grow

old ones will fall

And the fate I have been accepting

I will write it myself, this time

No, its not that I am complaining

this year has taught me a lot

of pain and of being left behind

For which I thank God

But I want to ride on rainbows too

visit the land of happiness soon

I know the time is coming

I see light at the end of this tunnel

The beginning of an end has started

this era is ending, yes

I will be a star again

I am walking towards the Sun.

This October, probably has been the best time of this year for me, thanks to OctPoWriMo 2013 and Nimue who introduced me to this beautiful concept and stayed with me till this day (I am sure she will stay in times ahead also). OctPoWriMo has not only been an inspiration but an irresistible cobweb of out-of-the-world writers & poets who have immensely appreciated my poems and pushed me till this date. Frankly, without Nimue or any of those beautiful souls who read my poems and took out enough time to comment here, I would have given up long back. True, journeys become easy and fun with amazing people. 

Not to forget the prompts made it all enthusiastic. I admire all the people who gave us those prompts to pen down upon. I have also bookmarked a lot of blogs, I will keep hovering over their writings now.

Learnt a lot here, made new friends too. I will embrace all 31 days of this month for a long time to come.

My heart is filled with gratitude. OctPoWriMo 2013 has been very special to me. 

There she goes & Do you see? #OctPoWriMo day 29 & day 30

Two poems again, day 29 and day 30. 

DAY 29: There she goes

Summer mornings

winter nights

I see you 

standing by

clinging to thoughts

beautiful thoughts

your mind

so clear so pure

Your mood

Blue, yellow or white

Different shades of you

you carry all, once in a while

Now that you have gone

Your memories have stayed behind

Your talks, I see them

standing by the window side

A beautiful spirit that you are now

Your teachings will stay here

every year, by the window side

DAY 30: Do you see?

That girl, do you see? 

The one I am pointing towards? 

was abandoned by her parents

at the age of three

That road, do you see? 

Right next to the huge showroom

a woman living on streets,

gave birth to a boy there; in noon

both died there, soon

That spot, do you see? 

where a mountain of garbage exists

There's a school right besides

with flies and water under benches

how was your school like?

That dump, do you see?

used to be home for many

slums these were

schools and trees these were

for international games

thousands were thrown on streets

That pond, do you see?

was a home for beautiful birds and shrubs

the water now black

used to be blue and white

About "Do you see"- all the verses are true. I have either met these people or read in newspaper. Visited these sites and pointed the same way. Where are we now? What have we done? To our nature? To our own race? Its hard to bring a change in world, because for that we must change ourselves. But, would we?

My Sister & Skin & I am #OctPoWriMo day 26, 27, 28

Posting three poem today compensating the previous days. Of day 26, day 27, day 28 here. Spare me, yet again.

DAY 26: My Sister

For all that she's been
Sister three years elder to me
Fighting the storm
sailing over sees
Selfless she's been 
Does not believe in God
All seasons she blooms
A social worker, a feminist
Bitter she may be
for thats how the truth is
the soldier
the messenger
the north star
For all that she's been 

DAY 27: Skin

Skin

Your skin

Soft its been

Sometimes so thin

What all you hide within

War, if, is your skin

I'd let you win

Beyond zinn

Skin

Day 28: I am.... an introspector

Life goes as it goes

directionless, at times

But a cousin sister taught me

how to focus on energies within

I ask questions

Where are we in life, right now? 

not to you

To myself, often

Of what I am doing

Of what I wish to do

What is happiness, as I call it

What is bliss, do I know of it?

Then I met another person

who does the same like me

well, at a better level instead

He asks questions

and finds answers too

He seeks

He discovers

I hope someday I can

Direct all energies 

and transcend to the universe

in a better way

For I introspect

In search of that light

Birthday and more #OctPoWriMo 2013 day 25

I remember the last birthday
when I'd turned twenty
yellow flowers are all I remember

when countless friends surrounded

I remember the last birthday
when I'd turned twenty
four cakes I think I got
one baked at home
of different colors

I remember the last birthday
when I'd turned twenty
Handmade gifts made my day
along with some cards and all

I remember the last birthday
when I'd turned twenty
But my heart believes
age is just a number-play

Back then #OctPoWriMo 2013 day 24

A girl, tiny girl

climbing trees

playing with rocks

A girl, tiny girl

playing with dolls

building tiny house

A girl, tiny girl

stealing biscuits

running in corridors

A girl, tiny girl

confused with washrooms

using men's for few years

A girl, tiny girl

cycling, hiding

swimming through rains

A girl, tiny girl

dancing, singing

gushing, laughing

A girl, tiny girl

loving her younger brother

not so fond of her elder sister

A girl, tiny girl

who's the princess

of her own world

My mother says there are a few people who, from their childhood directly go to old age. After all old-age is second innings of childhood. In the sense, they never become adults. 

I am one of those. Luckily. 

Just counting #OctPoWriMo 2013 day 23

The hundred sixteenth night with you
in park, under the moon
The twenty fourth hour with you
in bed, warming in blanket
The fifth week after we met
a date, hot chocolate and nothing else
Fifty eight minutes I waited
you had brought flowers of color I hated
Third of September
we decided we wont talk anymore
Seventeenth November
we ended up in bed, with no future
two hundred thirty fourth morning
you said; lets get married
Eighty five years together
we sleep now in crypt, forever

Photo credits to my favorite photographer till date- Hardik Photography

I glide #OctPoWriMo 2013 day 22

The black river

or the black nature

or the black soul

are mine

yet, I glance and glide

across those parts; of mine

The black talks

or the black aura

or the black eyes

are mine

yet, I glance and glide

forgetting if I hurt 

The black sky

then collides in me

The black soil

then uproots me

The black noises which I make

are never heard 

But I do not forget

to glance and glide

and travel on the 

black side; of mine

For one day

The black side; just might

meet the white

Soil to Plant & Sky #OctPoWriMo 2013 day 20 and day 21

Once again I am submitting a post comprising of two poems for day 20 and day 21 for OctPoWriMo. Spare me, yet again!

DAY 20- Soil to Plant

so yesterday was great
cos it rained
i hope you got
the purest water I'd sent

and later it was sunny
when you were busy cooking
yes I know the food was good
You'd sent some down here

This is just a thank you letter
for I am what I am
because of your efforts
i hope you remain blessed

cos you are god's own angel

DAY 21- The Sky

 so infinite

sometimes blue

sometimes white

sometimes yellow 

sometimes black

all colors it has

still for rainbow it awaits

why can't it be happy

with what it has?

See you soon #OctPoWriMo day 19

Your brown eyes 

and wide smile

Is what I think of

from dusk till dawn

Light that you are to me

Thats the only think I see

Let me seek you in

let you penetrate within

One sunset more

next sunsrise you will be here

let me dream of you

yes, I will see you soon

Hide and Lame #OctPoWriMo 2013 day 17 & day 18

I missed yesterday, everyday writing a poem isnt a cake walk for me. But! Today am banging OctPoWriMo with two poems, one for yesterday, one for today. And got this idea from Nimue (our favorite blogger)- miss it yet dont miss it.

Hide- Day 17

Swinging on the swing
the wind would hit thy face
Cycling day and night
the wind would hit thy face
face of a kid, I remember

Making castles of the sand
falling and renewing again
never give up, this no one taught
just a shallow voice from inside
voice of child's pure soul, I remember

Playing hide and seek
or something with a ball
making our own games
and mastering them all
innocence of a child, I remember

Cooking some invisible food
making house under the table
sweating, shivering or just nothing
games of childhood
only a child remembers

Lame- Day 18

Electric wind of the fan

something silly on my mind

its nothing but a day

a boring day, above of all

Some weird faces I make

when am at house and with me

brother would look from behind and wonder

what the hell keeps happening to her

I just want to sleep some more

no specific time for it

lets get over with this poem

and head to bed