Deep Thought

"A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he has done"
- Cardinal Newman

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Chapter 3 : Liberation

She didn't pick his calls. What would she say? What would they talk about? It was such a blurred picture. She couldn't help, but resist his calls.
Five calls, all missed by her.
He was the first prince, who made her feel like a princess. She was no longer a girl next door. She wasn't ordinary. Did she even tried to fill the void of her first love through him?
"No", would say Jenny.

All this happened in June 2009.

"It's getting out of my hand now, I need to confront my love for him now", says Jenny to her best friend.
"I think he already knows, that's why you were in a relation with him.. well for just a month.. that's a different case", she says.
"I just want to admit it to him. I can't move on. Its been two damn years, I am just filling his space through other guys. I can't do this anymore, leaving such a devastation behind", says Jenny.
"What do you wanna do now?", she asks.
"I'l tell him I still love him", Jenny says.
"And how will it help?" her best friend asks.
"I don't know, but all I know is I'll be liberated. I want that freedom. If he accepts me, its good. If not, its still fine", continues Jenny.
"Will you move on after that?", asks her friend.
"Am sure I will", Jenny ended the conversation.

She called him. He picked up. It all started with normal conversation. He throwing jokes as always, which Jenny loved always. His voice, so magical and mysterious, which she couldn't ever resist. It all went through. Until, she hauled.
"I wanna say something", Jenny said, stopping his jokes.
He was still laughing on his jokes, and he stopped, laughingly he said, "Ya, go on".
"I don't know how to begin. Its just that.... ", Jenny stammered.
"Go on naa. Just say what you want", that's when Jenny thought he knows what she was up to. Yes, he knew,  after all he was the one who could make exact guesses, none wrong. He was the one could would just sway her away with his "Hi".

"I think I still LOVE YOU", all of a sudden.

A silence followed.
That was the first time he was silent.
"Say something dumbo", she said.
"I don't know what to say. Jenny, you know I don't. Its been two years, I thought you'd moved on", he said.
"No, I couldn't. I mean I wanted.. but I couldn't", Jenny said.
"Girl, you had two more guys in your life, what was that for?', he asked.
"I just tried to find "you" in them, I couldn't", she said.
"Hmm...", he said.
"What hmm..? Throw me a reply?", she asked desperately.
"I don't love you Jenny. I don't. You know this thing. I can't. We are good as friends Jenny. Lets be best friends", he said.
"I was inclined towards you. Just said if by chance you also have some inclination towards me. Chuck it, I can't be friends with you for sure. Its been two years and four months, I wanna move on. All this time I was just looking for love.. for something that only reminded me of you. But, I can never force you to feel for me. Its okay. Not your fault. But, we'll be in touch if you want. Not best friends, not even good ones. Just mare friends", Jenny ended.
"Whatever keeps you happy Jenny. I'll be happy as far as you are", he said smilingly on other side of the phone. The smile that could kill millions.
They exchanged byes and take cares.
She kept down the phone.
Its ended.
Its all ended.
It was 12:12am.
The best time of her life.
She sat on the bed. She murmured to herself.
"I just did something that I wanted to since past two years", she said.
It was the feeling which cannot be described.
Now she knew what India would have felt after being freed from Britishers.
Yes, she thought she had done something for which she must be rewarded with some medal of honor or trophy of bravery.
"I can no longer feel any more 'him' in my veins. Its all gone, all washed away, with just one call. Oh God!!! I should have done this long time back if I'd known it was this easy. None-the-less, I have done it", she said.
Even if he, has rejected her proposal, it was all fair.
The happiness of rejection was at such a par, that if she would have been accepted, then also she wouldn't have felt was she was feeling then.
It was LIBERATION. Liberation from all the pains. Liberation from making regular efforts of coming under his eyes. Liberation of endless sleepless nights.
"Now, I wont find 'him' in other guys. Rather, I don't need any guy", she said.
She felt a different kind of love then, something she felt for the first time.
It was LOVE for herself.


  1. as fresh as ever....wnderful sweet twist in the story it was
    so i guess thats the end...hmm??
    i think its cool like this,but just want to confirm if you still have something in your mind for either ways i'll njoy for sure like i did till yet
    hats off to u mam

  2. beautiful!!!! liberation... liberation frm pains... truly beautiful!!!!

  3. Dear Hardik,
    Frankly speaking, I haven't thought of anything ahead. Even though I still have something in the pipeline for Jenny.
    Lets see where the story takes the turn :)

  4. Dear Monaaly,
    The feeling of Freedom cannot be defined in words...It is one feelings most beautifully expressed without words.

  5. Liberation : a 'mature' piece of writing ..
    and I completely agree the feeling of freedom cannot be defined in words. The peace is just eternal . :)

  6. @Neha
    Thanks a lot! not just for a comment, but for a comment after a much awaited time!