Deep Thought

"A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he has done"
- Cardinal Newman

Friday, September 23, 2011


"I quit, get lost", she said in acrimony.
"Hmm", he said.
She hung up the call.
After a few seconds she called back.
"You won't stop me either?", she said.
"You tell me what do you want me to do, I'll follow", he said.
"Oh God! Why on Earth am I stuck up with you"? she said. And hung up again in fury.
She threw the phone at an arm's distance, and laid on her back down on bed. Looking at the ceiling, she closed her eyes softly. "What the hell am I doing with this guy who barely understands me", a voice inside kept on repeating the same sentence over and over again deep down her soul.
She swiftly rolled over her stomach on bed, head inside the pillow, hair loosely tied.
She stretched out her hand, no messages or call received, for she wanted him to beg for mercy & everything to be normal again.
She started having the glimpses of the past: The first sight love, the first meeting, both blushing, the first dance, the first dedicated song, the first hand-in-hand, the first month anniversary, the first fight, the first apologies, the first gift, the first love greeting, the first rose, the first maggie, the first movie, the first forehead kiss, the first hug, the first breakfast, the first rain, the first winter, the first long drive, the first kiss, the first sharing of ice cream, the first snap together, the first yell, the first beg, the first marriage plans and all the firsts..
"Why are all the firsts so lovely and rest not so", the inside voice still goes on in agony.
This wasn't their first fight, or rather not the first break-up (she hoped it does not turns out to be this way). Haven't they fought and gotten back together every time? Even after the longest break-up for about two-three choking months?

"When people get too close, things start becoming irking after all. There's always a need for providing space".

"Take a break you two, have gotten too much into each other. Ask him for a break, not a break-up", don't know how many times she has suggested this to many couples.

She comes back to the present world, her soul lie upside down on bed. Picking up the phone, no messages yet received. Three minutes to the fight, and still no concern form his side. At least, she expected an apology if no begging for mercy. "What a guy", she says shutting her eyelids very tightly drifting the phone's screen upside down, almost at the end of the bed.

"Its been days since we've had a break up, why cant he come back? He said he needs time. How much? Why didn't he specify? Its hard to wait", asks a few of her friends.
"Why don't you just wait? Let him breath a fresher air, so you do too. And it all gets better in time", she would suggest.

"But why is it always easy to suggest others and not so easy to implement on our own lives", the voice screams inside.. "Patience girl, have patience".

"Its better not to fall into relationships", would say many of her friends.
"Does it mean ignoring the feeling of these strange feelings, which only your other half can give you? Even though being heartbroken a million times, does it mean not having strength to keep looking for the apt one? Does it mean forget the moments you've had? If so, then am sorry, I cannot avoid, but still fall for 'Love'". She would say with pride over the head.

"Shall I say sorry? " she thought.
"No! This would again mean losing the battle. It would mean declaring you were wrong. He'll repeat the same things again", would say her mind.
She doesn't bother to look up to the screen now.
More minutes passed by. Instead of greeting herself with the blithe moments, she started remembering the ugly ones.

"True, once you are in a bad state of mind, you attract more of it".

"Maybe this is the end", her soul repeated this line for one more time. Probably for the tenth time, out of which ninths, she'd always listen to it and try to forget her Love.
"Not for the tenth time", she replied to her soul. After all its been two years of profound love, there's no such thing called 'ego'.

"When ego comes in the ground, there's no room for Love".

She raised her head, hair still loosely tied, two tears running down the left cheek. She picked up the phone.
Called him again.
He picked up. For he could never ignore her. Not even in the most annoying times, while she did this quite often. Eyes close, she apologized. For whatever went over the head. The fight that they had, even though on the two year one month anniversary of their's which pinched her the most.

"Forgiving and Forgetting is one of the secrets of a successful relation.. be it amongst any two people".

"There are only two words in the world which can change one's state of mind & soul: 'Thank you' and 'Sorry'. There's no limit to the usage of these words, but one mustn't ever forget to use them wisely and timely".

Alas! Things are fine. Today, she heard the song he'd dedicated to her for the first time:

I am finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time 
And gracefully fall back to the arms on grace

Cos am hanging on every word you sayin'
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me 
Cos I want nothing more than to
Sit outside heaven's door
And listen to our Breathing
That's where I wanna be...

With a huge smile on her face, she continued living with him.


  1. ohk! here goes another MELODRAMATIC episode Aavika ;)) Quit einteresting as always...PROFOUNDDD emotions and accidents...hmm hmm..intriguinggg (spelling:P)

  2. @Swati
    It just came into my mind and blog is the way I could let it flow :). Yours is the first comment this time :). Thanks for commenting... Melodramatic.. ummm.. sarcastic? :P <3 :*

  3. @aditya
    Thanks for the comment. It feels glad you've finally started commenting on the blog which is immense pleasure to look at and reply to. And yes, the girl is more luckier :)
    Thanks again.. :)

  4. NAh no sarcasm...but how it all sounds..all unrealistic at times...nonetheless the depth in ur writing....forces one to imagine..and the scene gets tough :@@ Dard-de-dil:@@ :D

  5. i always run out of words, every time i read your post...:)

  6. @swati
    oooo!!!! diplomatic comment :/. am blank!

  7. Awesome. that's all i can say... i can relate to feels good :)

  8. @Anisha
    Am glad you could relate to it. :) Yes, it is incredible. Thanks for commenting :*

  9. its like you are doing quite a beautiful study over human emotions...the way you have used & displayed those simple yet very deep emotions is really commendable :)
    keep it up i always say

  10. @Hardik
    It just strikes my mind, and hand starts typing on their own. Nothing unique I think. Its just all of your love and comments, criticism that makes me grow! Thanks to you! :)

  11. well if stuff like these strikes to your mind then thers no doubt you have got a beautiful mind my fren...& i just hope that with time it only gets more beautiful & we are fed with writings that makes us deep dive into those emotions that we witness in our day to day lives but never really tried to care for the Happiness or gloom hidden inside them...
    so again wishing you all the best for more of these stuff :)

  12. @Hardik
    Dont have much to say, except for a heart filed with gratitude! Am blessed to have you. :)