Deep Thought

"A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault with what he has done"
- Cardinal Newman

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I can't live With or Without You

2:30 am: "I think I should call him. Its been such a long time of togetherness. Its not worth giving it all back. We both love each other. Its been one of the best things I have. He's been one of the best things I have. Should I call him up?" she murmured to herself.

2:31am: "Its simply not worth anymore. The togetherness has been more of a sickness. Fights all the time. Egos clashing. Sad messages, sad calls. There's no magic left I can feel around. Maybe its best for both of us to give in and move on if life", she says looking up at the ceiling fan.

2:32am: "Yes yes, I agree the fights go on but the magic is still there. Remember the first time we saw each other? That was one of a magical moment. I think its worth giving a risk and going on with him. Lets try?" she said shifting side.

2:33am: "Oh yes! Fights going on since 3 months and you say the magic is still there. Tell me of two days continuously when the relation runs smooth? Without any ego clashes? Without any attitude trouble? Without any troubles? The magic has killed itself cos nothing can recover what we had." she said putting the pillow on her face.

2:34am: "lets just look at the good sides. Remember the long drives? or the coffees? or the lunch? or the movies? and so many things and feelings which cannot be explained? Its been such a long time" she said in her head.

2:35am: "Yes, it has been a long time. Long time fighting over and not calling each other, not messaging, not feeling anything called 'Love'. There's nothing left anymore. The bad things have covered everything like an ash cloud", she said screaming in her head.

2:36am: "But isn't it worthy of giving a try? Lemme call him and ask him to meet. We can maybe sort out everything? The bad time surely comes in everyone's lives but it, no wonder leaves too. We both should try. Wait, I'll call. He's still awake, I know", she says taking the phone.

2:37am: "Are you mad? Give away the phone right now. The bad time will stay as long as we both are together. And have we not 'tried' before to make things alright? Now they wont. Its just baffling to me. Forget him and move on", she says throwing the phone at some corner of the bed.

2:38am: "Okay, but the question lies- 'can I live without him'? she asks herself shaking her left foot.

2:39am "No the question is - 'can I live with him?'.  Its been a burden since a long time. Just let go off. Leave hands and move on. It was never meant to be this way. I've got a life too. Am tired of being sad and pessimistic all the time. My friends think I've changed, probably cos he buggers my mind all the time. I have a life too. I wanna live my way. A long road lies ahead and I wanna keep moving the happy way", she says removing the pillow from her face.

2:40am: "Will he survive this way?" she asks.

2:41am: "Why should I care? When he hasn't. Am sure he'll be happy too without the fights", she says.

2:42am: "I still Love him", she says crossing her legs.

2:43am: "Even I do. But now its time I start living this way. Cos its hard to live with him than without. I agree am not happy this way but I am not as sad as am with him. Now go to sleep". she says mending her hair with fingers.
When there's nothing left.
Courtesy picture: Hardik Gaurav

And leaves the song playing in her phone:

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't liveWith or without you
And you give yourself away.......

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away......

With or without you
With or without you
I can't liveWith or without you


  1. Hw cool is that,smtyms a song inspires us to create a whole story :) & its 1 of my favourite tracks too
    Its so true,smtyms its simply best to let go few things rather than preserving it only for the sake of few ungoverned emotions,even wen u know its goin to prick u from inside

  2. @Hardik
    I tell you seriously, we have sooo lot in common na! and yes, sometimes our happiness prevails over everything and its the most important thing too! Which at times includes quitting too. Surprisingly, quitting makes us a winner also.. :0

    1. haha...exactly we have quite a lot in common & thats why you are my sweet chhotu buddy (aka the future rowling) ;)
      & yup, life's actually full of surprises, even quitting makes us a winner sometimes & very few realize that thanks to their ego, but wen a person does realize it,he automatically achieves salvation & becomes free....

  3. @Hardik
    yeahii! chhotu buddy! clap clap!
    and not to forget, with freedom comes sacrifices. :)
    thanks hardik for the comments :D